Dear Diary Stuffing My Face Full of Food

Sex Panther rawrrr

is no longer an option.  Here is an eye-opening proclamation, I use food as a coping mechanism.  For those two readers who read my long a** entry that was pretty much soul bearing and crap, well you know that I am struggling with depression or actually conquering depression now.  Old Delena immediately would use food to cope with everything. And I mean ev-ery-thing.
"Oh I am sad" *stuffs pizza slices in mouth*
"Oh I am angry"*stuffs cupcakes in mouth*
"Oh I am happy!" *stuffs potato chips in mouth*
"Oh I am bored" *stuffs cheese cubes in mouth*
I recently started watching the tv show Girls on HBO, yeah I know I had bad mouthed it but after a couple of episodes it is actually funny.  There is an episode where the main character goes back home or should I say the home she grew up in.  She was acting out and her mom immediately said "Are you hungry, there is chicken in the fridge."  Main character yells at her mom "I am not HUNGRY"  Then it immediately cuts to her later that night raiding the fridge (fat man at a buffet style) and I knew how she felt.  I laughed so hard at that scene and then I went silent.  In my mind I thought "Oh crap I do the same thing when I go home and visit my mom."  It never fails I go visit my mom who has a plethora of snacks (not the healthy variety) and I attack them.  Seriously those Pringles don't know what hit them because Delena "wrecks shop" on some Pringles.  My mom bless her heart she tells me to not give into the temptation because she wants to keep me going on my goal but you know it is hard when you are wired to regress to your old childhood habits and just eat, EAT, EAT, EAT, and EAT!  I was talking to one of my dearest friends this weekend and we both realized that how we were raised and our culture really affects our relationship with food.  Seriously I don't know how other cultures our with food but I know mine, Tex Mex culture.  I am what you would say Hispanic which most Hispanics hate because a) Politicians came up with the name and b) you cannot lump us into one ethnicity because we are many different cultures.  Well I am Tex Mex, I am of Mexican descent that is probably 4th or 5th generation Texan.

If you go to Mexico most people are very fit and healthy and tiny.  Now if you go to Kingsville, Texas and see Texicans yeah we are FAZAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  Some are skinny but most are fat.  Hispanics have a high rate of diabetes and heart disease.  I, my friend, am not immune from getting said diseases.  My maternal grandfather and my father had heart disease and diabetes.  My paternal grandmother and my mother had/have diabetes.  Worse my maternal grandmother passed away from ovarian cancer.  Studies are coming out that being overweight worsens not only the possibility of getting diabetes and heart disease but also the big C, cancer.  My paternal grandfather was healthy and was pretty much a vegetarian, he passed away at 85 of leukemia but he was super healthy before that.  Back to my point.  My friend we will call her Sex Panther, yeah she and I were saying aloud how our family was unhealthy.  We recounted how family pushes food on you all the time, that is how we roll us Texicans.  Then at the same time they comment on how you are a gorda (tr. fatty) or flaca(tr. skinny).  Seriously you are either too fat or too skinny but here eat this pan dulce.  I know my mom will read this and get mad or say "Mija did I do that, I don't remember I was too young"  Yeah you did mom but that was how you were raised.  All my family did that.  I was not one of those kids that didn't eat.  Hello I normally could put away three plates of carne guisada with rice and beans and a copious amounts of homemade tortillas or pan de campo.  Can I get an amen from my fellow Texans that can do this!?  Yeah I am not proud but yet I am.  I love good Tex Mex food.  Hey one positive moving to Atlanta you can't get good Tex Mex and so that temptation is gone.  Except now I forced myself to make tortillas from scratch, ha but they are whole wheat ones and damn good.

After this self discovery of my coping mechanisms, I realized I need to do positive things to cope: go for a walk, walk my dog, practice yoga, practice meditation, or my favorite craft and sew!  None of those activities involves stuffing my face full of food.  Well I am trying these and so far so good.  I have also cut down the portion size of our dinners too.  Again raised Texican, we had HUGE dinners, I mean HUGE for a banquet and yet here I was going back for 4th and 5ths for my mom's cheese enchiladas (hey you would too!).  I just go by the Bob method of eating meals, you eat like a king for breakfast, a lord or lady for lunch and a peasant for dinner.  Seriously it has worked.  Since I have done this I really did see my body change and I felt better.  I am proud to report that finally this year, I have actually been losing weight!  I am down two dress sizes, yes count them two.  I was in denial in how big I had gotten since December of 2010 that I was wearing clothes one size too small but I now realized yeah I was pushing the limit of the seams in my clothes.  I am keeping up with this and I am not giving up.  I know she hates it when people say this but my good friend Ouiser has gone down 2 dress sizes too and we both have been encouraging each other, she had been fed up too but I am proud of her.  I know I am going to keep up with this, not only because I found a dress at Anthropologie that I want to wear (actually that is a big motivator!) but also because I don't want a lifetime of illness affecting me in the future.

Dear Diary Mental Health is Just as Important as Physical Health

Aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And other Aha Moments.  So I want to be honest and open with my two readers.  We moved to Atlanta seven months ago.  I decided to support my husband and his career because I knew if the roles were reversed he would do the same.  Well it is not easy moving from one city to another.  I have experienced this before when I moved from my hamlet of Kingsville, Texas, where it is famous for that one movie with Matt Dillon and that other movie with Helen Slater, to the metropolis of Houston, Texas, where it is famous for that one movie with Shirley McClain and Debra Winger and that other movie with John Travolta and Debra Winger.  I was eighteen at the time and ready to be free of my parents’ shackles and be independent well as independent as I can be with my parents footing the bills for everything due to me choosing an expensive private university.  I was scared and excited.  I had a hard time the first couple of months but luckily I had family around me in the area.  I could go see cousins, aunts and uncles.  So I never felt alone.   I also made friends due to the fact I lived in the dorms and we were forced to interact with one another.  I made lifelong friends actually and I was glad we were forced to do silly socials in the dorms.  

Dear Diary OKAY WHAT FOODS SHOULD I EAT??? (not Hot Pockets)

Yeah I am old you can tell now!

So I have been on every nimbly bimbly diet or weight loss fad since I was 10.  Yeah you read right.  Well part of it was my mom was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabeetus at the time, so my dad and I were forced to do her low fat diet.  She even typed up the weekly menu plan on her Apple IIe.  I remember that menu plan printed on her DOT MATRIX printer (all my nerdie tech friends are virtual high fiving me for mentioning sh*tty old technology but at the time was cutting edge, next blog post COLECOVISION!)  Anyways I vividly remember those print outs on those perforated pages, each little perforation so perfect so intense, okay WHOA WHOA WHOA, sorry this is a blog post not a novel, a bad novel at that.  Well these meal plans were blandy pants city, I mean super bland.  One steamed vegetable, one baked protein (seasoned with Mrs. Dash-hello preservatives) and one piece of bread.  Yeah it was awful!  I mean come on I was used to rich Tex-Mex meals for dinner.  I almost wanted to say "Mom, seriously where are the enchiladas, what is this crap.  And I am not seeing the Carne Guisada or Arroz con Pollo, you can't mean to deny me those with some bland chicken and vegetables!"  Well she did and well that diet did not last.  I think I gained more weight sneaking food or eating two dinners (Thanks Tia Frances).  So here I am 32 and I am at a loss.  What should I eat, what shouldn't I eat???????

Dear Diary the W.H.A.T. Method???

You can look like this in 3 weeks!!!

As you people know I am currently funemployed and looking for a job.  So I am at home a bunch watching terrible television instead of bettering myself with culture and crap.  Anywho Dr. Phil was on (which I normally don't watch but it was after Ellen) and I heard his voice from the television shouting out, "I am going to introduce this fool proof method for losing weight, it will blow all those other fad diet and [exorcise] programs away."  So naturally my ears perked up.  And then I saw these three very thin women who had toned bodies walk out in pink tank tops and black lycra pants and the super blond one in the middle said "We are going to talk about the P.I.N.K. method and how it will help you lose weight"  What the hell is this P.I.N.K. method and what does it stand for?

"You Fatties have no more excuses!"

First of all I thought okay is this Dr. Phil or an informercial where that crazy Australian guy will come out with his ugly sweaters or better yet Billy Mays come back from the dead.  Nope it was Dr. Phil and it was a room full of women sprinkled with men who were obviously husbands forced to come (yeah a very Oprah audience).  So he introduced his first guest a women who was my height and weight so my ears perked up.  She said she was tired of being overweight and that both her and her husband were on their way to fattymcbutterpantsville (my words not hers but you get the point.)

So then they brought out ladies who had lost the weight with ease.  He asked them what makes this program so different from the others,....the consensus response "The program combines eating right and [exorcising]"  Well shoot me down and call me fatty...*Delena dumbfounded look*  WHO KNEW THAT CRAP WORKS?  (for those who don't speak Delena I am being Sarcastic).  Well I figured what the hell I will check out the rest of this program and see what its about or better yet look it up online.  You can click P.I.N.K. and see what its all about.  Oh and finally they said what the hell it stood for on Dr. Phil: POWER, INTENSITY, NUTRITION, and KARDIO (dudes I am not even joking spelling Cardio with a K, seriously no English major will take this program seriously)

Dear Diary I met Paula Deen Y'all!

Paula + Michael = Buttery Love

It started with a text from my new Atlanta friend, Jill.  I couldn't believe it!  What Paula is going to be at Barnes and Nobles signing books out in Buckhead!  I was seriously considering bringing a stick of butter for her to sign but Jonathan said that's ridiculous wasting a good stick of butter like that.  I mean I was waiting patiently for the day when I would be in in the presence of greatness.  And you know what good things do come to those who wait.  I met Ms. Paula Deen and Michael! I was so estatic I thought I was going to have a caniption! I waited in line for 2 hours to get her Herbie Hancock* and it was worth it. This is phase one of her becoming my best bud! I bought her book, Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible and well none of it is diet friendly but it sure looked so good makes you wanna slap yo momma! Man I am gushing here. I hope I get to see Ms. Deen again and then we will talk about her and Michael's favorite game (Jonathan knows what I am taking about) and butter our rolls.

Dear Diary I am moving on up to the east side...

This is how they do it in the Durty South

Well, my friends of Tejas, isn't that redundant since Tejas means friends, anyways, my friends I have left the Lone Star State.  Yes you read right.  I moved my Fatty McButterpants to a place we call Hotlanta.  Good ol ATL, in Georgia.  Jonathan got a job back in November of 2010 and they told him that they are moving to the "durty" south, where Ludacris was born.  I was not for it at first but then thanks to an old co-worker whose lack of self worth reminded me that I can do whatever I want and not be stuck in a rut at a job I didn't enjoy.  So I said let's do this and now here we are.  Getting to Atlanta was not easy.  We have to sell a house, find a place, find a job (a good one this time) and this time not try to fall through the crust of the earth.

Yeah I was eating like a fat man in a rib eating contest.  I couldn't stop because of stress.  STRESS IS BAD.  But I can also decide on whether or not to let it consume me or just let it go.Well I am just realizing that my stress=eating everything around me.  All I do is eat and drink.  Remember when I decided to give up alcohol, (hohohoheeehehehahahahaha, still laughing on that one).  I immediately went to drinking when we put our house up for sale.  It is freaking stressful and you gotta CLEAN YOUR HOUSE, what what.

Dear Diary Gastric Bypasses and Kenny Rogers

'Scuse me I wanted a piece....

So last week at work was a co-workers birthday.  She had German chocolate cake, I couldn't resist.  And what better way to celebrate said birthday then eating cake and talking about Gastric Bypasses and Stomach Stapling.  ....( yeah insert colon slash emoticon face here) :/

Well as we all gathered around passing the cake ala Office Space, but unlike Milton I did get a piece(a small piece), Old Man Magoo (semi retired co-worker who is 175 years old that still comes into work despite being on death's door) commented that the Owner of the company better eat this cake while he can before his surgery.  Well that perked up everyone's ears...Surgery.  Well let me preface by saying the Owner, looks like Santie Claus, yeah he really does big ol belly and rosy red cheeks with a white beard.  I will call him Santie Claus for the remainder of this blog entry. So Santie Claus told us that he is thinking about doing gastric bypass surgery which used to be known as stomach stapling, to which I said didn't Kenny Rogers get that done (really what hasn't Kenny Rogers had done, he is a poster child for why not to do plastic surgery along with Joan Rivers).  Well apparently like Kenny, Santie knew when to fold them and decided to go the surgical route to lose weight.  He has struggled with his weight for years and thinks this is only his option.  Now as we are eating our cake he describes in detail what they will do to his stomach and yeah I wanted to throw up the cake and do some push ups right then and there.  Now here is the funny part though the surgery won't be covered by insurance unless he follows a nutrition plan for six months and loses weight first, seriously laughed out loud on that one because in my little head I was thinking okay if he could do that in the first place why would he be doing the surgery.  But then my boss quickly retorted the insurance sees this as like giving an alcoholic a new liver they want to make sure this works for you and you can stick to losing weight after the surgery, man that is so true.  They gotta make sure fatties lose the weight and keep it off since they are paying big bucks to sew up your stomach to the size of your thumb yeah seriously.  No wonder Star Jones drank her meals in shot glasses.  I know people are desperate to lose weight but why drastic surgery?  Are you that addicted to Whataburger and McDonalds that you would rather spend thousands on surgery then to give up those foods and eat better and exercise?  Santie Claus said this is his only viable option because what else can he do and of course the ass hat I am I responded in my smart tone "Diet and Exercise"

Dear Diary Oh Great Oprah tell me what to do...(Warning its Sappy and Introspective)

Oprah Winfrey the great

I started this blog to motivate me to be physically healthy but now I know I need to be mentally healthy too.  As most of you know I have had a series of unfortunate events happen.  I am trying to finally, FINALLY deal with them.  It has been hard this is not an easy journey and its one I hope you never have to experience.  I am glad I have an awesome family and some awesome friends who have been my support during all this.  Most of all I have had a great husband, I joke about him.  I tell people about his Fartello Dogs.  I tell people how he says he is going to fall through the crust of the earth at the rate he is going on gaining weight.  But he truly is great on being my loudest Dr. Phil cheerleader but he can't do this on his own during my dark times.  I think of Oprah during these times, yes I realize she is a billionaire whose greatest accomplishment is ugh EVERYTHING!  Oprah to me is someone who represents a woman who really went through a lot in her life and she succeeded.  I know its cheesy and people who know me, know that I am a hater but I cannot hate Oprah.