Dear Diary I'm not moving to Austin and other updates...

I like to keep my two blog readers informed about what is "going down" in my life.  As you both know I am still unemployed and that is fine.  When we do move into a dumpster, I may not be able to update this blog as much as I would like too.  Oh wait the library does have computers so there is hope!  Okay well here is what is going on in my life:

I bought awesome T-shirts for myself and my husband look below:

Nope not doing it!

UPDATE!!! Click here for more info on this magnificent shirt.

I joined a yoga studio and I am learning how to balance all seven chakras.  That is a hilarious blog post waiting to happen.  Let's just say fatty not so flexible but I am sticking with it! If Arthur can do it I can do it:

I did a sugar fast with a friend well not really but it was a "I am going to refuse dessert" fast but I succumbed to peer pressure most of the time.  Well some of the time.

Do you know how hard it was to say no?!

I went to three farmer's markets last week and realized wow they have awesome selections and it is DAMN EXPENSIVE but it is okay because getting the case of the "sugars" is more expensive in the long run.

Seriously these tomaters look good.

I realized that maybe two people reading my blog is a gross overestimate, it's probably just my mom.  Hi Mom!

See my mom has always supported me!

I am also going to work on informing my one reader (hello again mom) about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) more in this blog because it is something that has been around, according to researchers, for over 2,000 years and doctors are just beginning to diagnose more and more women with it.

PCOS is serious y'all

Also we got new neighbors.  Pollie is very unhappy with this and she makes it known every time they go onto their back porch and grill.

"Yeah I am giving you the stink eye"

I am reading this and realizing man my life is boring but that is fine because I have had drama for the past two years and I am good with just a peaceful life.

Beaches make me happy and sane.

Last but not least, my grammar is atrocious but thanks to The Oatmeal for helping me out.  

Dear Diary bathing suits will not make me feel bad anymore!

Sandcastles in the sand- Robin Sparkles

Warning this post is going to be semi-serious with a dash of (insert any women's talk show).  I went to the beach this week.  I had to wear a bathing suit *GASP*.  I have loathed wearing one since I saw my first dimple of cellulite, yeah I got it so what?!  Then something happened, I don't know if it is because I am 30 plus or what.  I was like who cares how I look in my tankini it is hot outside and I need to wear the proper attire to take a plunge into that large salty watering hole that some call the Atlantic Ocean.  I didn't care and I was okay with it.  I am overweight, I am fat.  I will own that word.  I have cellulite, I got grandma bat arms, I have double (sometimes triple) chins, and I have stacked tire belly syndrome (aka the Michelin Man).  I am me.  I love me.  All of me, the fat me, the emotional me, the crazy me, the silly me, the hilarious me, the angry me, the defeated me, and I could go on...Wait now I remember how this all started!!!

A dear dear cousin of mine emailed me a link to a lecture about Vulnerability (capitalized the word for emphasis people!).  I found the lecture entertaining and enlightening all at the same time.  All it was, was a woman on a stage with her power point slides.  No frills, no explosions, no fancy robot dragons or horrible rock bands playing in the back ground.  It was just Brene Brown, PhD, a University of Houston professor, speaking about her qualitative research about why certain people are courageous and fearless and others are not.  I don't want to ruin the lecture for you because I have the video posted for you.  In fact I am going to post two videos.  The other one is about listening to shame.  She is brilliant and insightful.  Her words spoke to me and yes I know I sound very cliche like a  person who wrote a blurb that is printed on the back of an Airport Bestseller Book!  I know!  Hey but this is how I feel.  I feel like in order to be a better person you have to not only love all of yourself but you have to feel all the your emotions.  We live in a society where you have to numb yourself to the pain or else you will be considered a pansy or that crazy woman who can't seem to stop crying!  That is not true sometimes you have to let yourself feel it in order to move forward and be stronger.   Anyways watch these videos and tell me how they struck you whether it was meh she is just another self help guru like that really really really tall guy (Tony Robbins by the way and did you see he got people to walk on hot coals and they did it!!!!) or wow she is awesome and she made me realize things about myself.

Vulnerability!

Listening to Shame Y'all

Update NOW VIDEO WITH ROBIN SPARKLES!!!!! Because it is an awesome song!

Dear Diary Marathon What Diet?! and Fat Reality.

Wouldn't you work out if this came to your front door?

So my sister-in-law emails me a story about a 500 plus pound woman who plans on losing more weight by having marathon sex with her ex-husband.  Yes sex is a physical activity and yes it is good cardio and probably muscular toning depending on the position(s) ugh okay I have to stop now.  Y'all know I wrote this blog to chronicle my life as I journey towards a healthier lifestyle.  I report on my new types of eating habits, workout habits, meditation etc.  I promise you I will not be reporting on this if I ever and it will be never decide to do this.  The lady weighs a bazillion pounds and I bet her ex-husband is some little tiny dude, THEY ALWAYS ARE, and ugh must not vomit.  Okay yes good for her trying to lose weight, she is currently the fattest woman in the world or the U.S. hold up -googling it-okay yup fattest women in the world at 643 lbs.  When did we start celebrating this again?  Congratulations you weigh as much as a normal size family of 4 with grown adult children.  Let's give you an award and worldwide recognition.  I just don't get it.  Where is my award for being obese?  Oh wait I am not fat enough.

Dear Diary Stuffing My Face Full of Food

Sex Panther rawrrr

is no longer an option.  Here is an eye-opening proclamation, I use food as a coping mechanism.  For those two readers who read my long a** entry that was pretty much soul bearing and crap, well you know that I am struggling with depression or actually conquering depression now.  Old Delena immediately would use food to cope with everything. And I mean ev-ery-thing.
"Oh I am sad" *stuffs pizza slices in mouth*
"Oh I am angry"*stuffs cupcakes in mouth*
"Oh I am happy!" *stuffs potato chips in mouth*
"Oh I am bored" *stuffs cheese cubes in mouth*
I recently started watching the tv show Girls on HBO, yeah I know I had bad mouthed it but after a couple of episodes it is actually funny.  There is an episode where the main character goes back home or should I say the home she grew up in.  She was acting out and her mom immediately said "Are you hungry, there is chicken in the fridge."  Main character yells at her mom "I am not HUNGRY"  Then it immediately cuts to her later that night raiding the fridge (fat man at a buffet style) and I knew how she felt.  I laughed so hard at that scene and then I went silent.  In my mind I thought "Oh crap I do the same thing when I go home and visit my mom."  It never fails I go visit my mom who has a plethora of snacks (not the healthy variety) and I attack them.  Seriously those Pringles don't know what hit them because Delena "wrecks shop" on some Pringles.  My mom bless her heart she tells me to not give into the temptation because she wants to keep me going on my goal but you know it is hard when you are wired to regress to your old childhood habits and just eat, EAT, EAT, EAT, and EAT!  I was talking to one of my dearest friends this weekend and we both realized that how we were raised and our culture really affects our relationship with food.  Seriously I don't know how other cultures our with food but I know mine, Tex Mex culture.  I am what you would say Hispanic which most Hispanics hate because a) Politicians came up with the name and b) you cannot lump us into one ethnicity because we are many different cultures.  Well I am Tex Mex, I am of Mexican descent that is probably 4th or 5th generation Texan.

If you go to Mexico most people are very fit and healthy and tiny.  Now if you go to Kingsville, Texas and see Texicans yeah we are FAZAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  Some are skinny but most are fat.  Hispanics have a high rate of diabetes and heart disease.  I, my friend, am not immune from getting said diseases.  My maternal grandfather and my father had heart disease and diabetes.  My paternal grandmother and my mother had/have diabetes.  Worse my maternal grandmother passed away from ovarian cancer.  Studies are coming out that being overweight worsens not only the possibility of getting diabetes and heart disease but also the big C, cancer.  My paternal grandfather was healthy and was pretty much a vegetarian, he passed away at 85 of leukemia but he was super healthy before that.  Back to my point.  My friend we will call her Sex Panther, yeah she and I were saying aloud how our family was unhealthy.  We recounted how family pushes food on you all the time, that is how we roll us Texicans.  Then at the same time they comment on how you are a gorda (tr. fatty) or flaca(tr. skinny).  Seriously you are either too fat or too skinny but here eat this pan dulce.  I know my mom will read this and get mad or say "Mija did I do that, I don't remember I was too young"  Yeah you did mom but that was how you were raised.  All my family did that.  I was not one of those kids that didn't eat.  Hello I normally could put away three plates of carne guisada with rice and beans and a copious amounts of homemade tortillas or pan de campo.  Can I get an amen from my fellow Texans that can do this!?  Yeah I am not proud but yet I am.  I love good Tex Mex food.  Hey one positive moving to Atlanta you can't get good Tex Mex and so that temptation is gone.  Except now I forced myself to make tortillas from scratch, ha but they are whole wheat ones and damn good.

After this self discovery of my coping mechanisms, I realized I need to do positive things to cope: go for a walk, walk my dog, practice yoga, practice meditation, or my favorite craft and sew!  None of those activities involves stuffing my face full of food.  Well I am trying these and so far so good.  I have also cut down the portion size of our dinners too.  Again raised Texican, we had HUGE dinners, I mean HUGE for a banquet and yet here I was going back for 4th and 5ths for my mom's cheese enchiladas (hey you would too!).  I just go by the Bob method of eating meals, you eat like a king for breakfast, a lord or lady for lunch and a peasant for dinner.  Seriously it has worked.  Since I have done this I really did see my body change and I felt better.  I am proud to report that finally this year, I have actually been losing weight!  I am down two dress sizes, yes count them two.  I was in denial in how big I had gotten since December of 2010 that I was wearing clothes one size too small but I now realized yeah I was pushing the limit of the seams in my clothes.  I am keeping up with this and I am not giving up.  I know she hates it when people say this but my good friend Ouiser has gone down 2 dress sizes too and we both have been encouraging each other, she had been fed up too but I am proud of her.  I know I am going to keep up with this, not only because I found a dress at Anthropologie that I want to wear (actually that is a big motivator!) but also because I don't want a lifetime of illness affecting me in the future.

Dear Diary I normally hate The View

Okay quick post go to Hulu or maybe you DVR'd it but Paula Deen is on The View as co-host and they are talking about the obesity epidemic.  I just saw Dr. Oz pull out organs damaged by fat and seriously ya'll I wanted to throw up and run miles around my neighborhood after I saw what my liver and heart probably look like.

I am on The View ya'll don't eat like I did!-Paula Deen

Dear Diary Sketchers are Sketchy

Why did people think these shoes worked?!

So yeah I never bought them but I know some people who did.  I am talking about the Sketchers Shape-Ups, those Frankenstein's monster looking shoes women wore thinking man I hope my butt looks like Pippa Middleton's in 3-6 months.  I never believed that claim; it's like the infomercials about a miracle pill that will help you lose weight and then shown in tiny letters and the announcer reads at a rapid pace, "Works only if you also diet and exercise."  Oh you don't say.  Yeah I remember when my dad tried metabolife but his doctor was like yeah no, you have a heart condition.  Eventually my dad lost weight on his own no miracle drug or butt shaping shoes included.  So yeah I am going that route the Roel Method, he walked everyday and cut back on how much ate and monitored what he ate.  I am not going to name names but I know friends who bought shoes like this, not only Sketchers but Reebok had them too.  Well looks like both had to pay big ol fines to the FTC for lying about results you will get with the shoes.  I just think it is hilarious and sad how people take advantage of others so easily because of their desperation to attain something or in my case lose something.  Yeah fatties will do anything to lose weight as long as we get to keep eating our McDonalds too.  The United States is getting to be a Fatty Mcbutterpants Nation.  Companies will try anything to sell their product.  I wonder if Shape-Ups were a mistake.  I can see it now:

Dear Diary Mental Health is Just as Important as Physical Health

Aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And other Aha Moments.  So I want to be honest and open with my two readers.  We moved to Atlanta seven months ago.  I decided to support my husband and his career because I knew if the roles were reversed he would do the same.  Well it is not easy moving from one city to another.  I have experienced this before when I moved from my hamlet of Kingsville, Texas, where it is famous for that one movie with Matt Dillon and that other movie with Helen Slater, to the metropolis of Houston, Texas, where it is famous for that one movie with Shirley McClain and Debra Winger and that other movie with John Travolta and Debra Winger.  I was eighteen at the time and ready to be free of my parents’ shackles and be independent well as independent as I can be with my parents footing the bills for everything due to me choosing an expensive private university.  I was scared and excited.  I had a hard time the first couple of months but luckily I had family around me in the area.  I could go see cousins, aunts and uncles.  So I never felt alone.   I also made friends due to the fact I lived in the dorms and we were forced to interact with one another.  I made lifelong friends actually and I was glad we were forced to do silly socials in the dorms.