Dear Diary Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I am 33 and that is all I want to say! No not really. So be thinking of me while you go on with your day because it is my birthday.  Anyways I will be enjoying the day with my husband and my dog and maybe Blondie.  Okay today is a calorie free day y'all because I said so!!!!!

Thank you Farmer Ted for making it happen.....

Dear Diary Mmmmm Candy Bars and Filet Mignon.....

So as you know there is a drought going on and there are shortages of corn everywhere.  Well corn is in everything including beef.  How so you might ask?  Well in the feed the ingredients include corn.  So what are farmers going to do when corn gets too expensive and the feed becomes too expensive to buy.  What to do WHAT TO DO????  Oh wait a second FEED THEM CANDY!  Apparently they consulted with Willy Wonka and he developed a new feed for cows which involves candy corn and snozberries.  You may think this is a joke but it is not.  Seriously they are supplementing nutrition for cows with candy.  Candy that is unfit for consumption for humans but it is okay for cows.  Awesome and we eat those cows.  So next time you cut into your Ribeye or T-bone steak and see a candy coated shell, it is okay because at least you know it will melt in your mouth and not in your hand.

Gene W- ahem Willy Wonka 

Check out the link below:

Candy Cows and Oompa Loompas

Dear Diary When did I Become a Dirty Hippy

I am back after a mini vacation to Houston, Texas, where there are plenty of restaurants and obese people (the effect of having a multitude of restaurants).  Every time I go to Houston I come back a little wiser and a little fatter.  I started off my trip with a SECOND dinner at Mai's and ate too much tofu.  You are probably thinking tofu is not so bad, yes it is when it is deep fried and then is stir fried in butter with garlic.  Then to top it off I had a cosmopolitan, the drink that Carrie Bradshaw made famous.  Did I log in my points? Noooooooooooooooooooo.  I just ate and imbibed on alcohol.  Also it is hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle when you come to your mom's house and the pantry is loaded with this:

Look at Mr. Pringles he is staring at me saying you know you want this!

Dear Diary I'm not moving to Austin and other updates...

I like to keep my two blog readers informed about what is "going down" in my life.  As you both know I am still unemployed and that is fine.  When we do move into a dumpster, I may not be able to update this blog as much as I would like too.  Oh wait the library does have computers so there is hope!  Okay well here is what is going on in my life:

I bought awesome T-shirts for myself and my husband look below:

Nope not doing it!

UPDATE!!! Click here for more info on this magnificent shirt.

I joined a yoga studio and I am learning how to balance all seven chakras.  That is a hilarious blog post waiting to happen.  Let's just say fatty not so flexible but I am sticking with it! If Arthur can do it I can do it:

I did a sugar fast with a friend well not really but it was a "I am going to refuse dessert" fast but I succumbed to peer pressure most of the time.  Well some of the time.

Do you know how hard it was to say no?!

I went to three farmer's markets last week and realized wow they have awesome selections and it is DAMN EXPENSIVE but it is okay because getting the case of the "sugars" is more expensive in the long run.

Seriously these tomaters look good.

I realized that maybe two people reading my blog is a gross overestimate, it's probably just my mom.  Hi Mom!

See my mom has always supported me!

I am also going to work on informing my one reader (hello again mom) about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) more in this blog because it is something that has been around, according to researchers, for over 2,000 years and doctors are just beginning to diagnose more and more women with it.

PCOS is serious y'all

Also we got new neighbors.  Pollie is very unhappy with this and she makes it known every time they go onto their back porch and grill.

"Yeah I am giving you the stink eye"

I am reading this and realizing man my life is boring but that is fine because I have had drama for the past two years and I am good with just a peaceful life.

Beaches make me happy and sane.

Last but not least, my grammar is atrocious but thanks to The Oatmeal for helping me out.  

Dear Diary bathing suits will not make me feel bad anymore!

Sandcastles in the sand- Robin Sparkles

Warning this post is going to be semi-serious with a dash of (insert any women's talk show).  I went to the beach this week.  I had to wear a bathing suit *GASP*.  I have loathed wearing one since I saw my first dimple of cellulite, yeah I got it so what?!  Then something happened, I don't know if it is because I am 30 plus or what.  I was like who cares how I look in my tankini it is hot outside and I need to wear the proper attire to take a plunge into that large salty watering hole that some call the Atlantic Ocean.  I didn't care and I was okay with it.  I am overweight, I am fat.  I will own that word.  I have cellulite, I got grandma bat arms, I have double (sometimes triple) chins, and I have stacked tire belly syndrome (aka the Michelin Man).  I am me.  I love me.  All of me, the fat me, the emotional me, the crazy me, the silly me, the hilarious me, the angry me, the defeated me, and I could go on...Wait now I remember how this all started!!!

A dear dear cousin of mine emailed me a link to a lecture about Vulnerability (capitalized the word for emphasis people!).  I found the lecture entertaining and enlightening all at the same time.  All it was, was a woman on a stage with her power point slides.  No frills, no explosions, no fancy robot dragons or horrible rock bands playing in the back ground.  It was just Brene Brown, PhD, a University of Houston professor, speaking about her qualitative research about why certain people are courageous and fearless and others are not.  I don't want to ruin the lecture for you because I have the video posted for you.  In fact I am going to post two videos.  The other one is about listening to shame.  She is brilliant and insightful.  Her words spoke to me and yes I know I sound very cliche like a  person who wrote a blurb that is printed on the back of an Airport Bestseller Book!  I know!  Hey but this is how I feel.  I feel like in order to be a better person you have to not only love all of yourself but you have to feel all the your emotions.  We live in a society where you have to numb yourself to the pain or else you will be considered a pansy or that crazy woman who can't seem to stop crying!  That is not true sometimes you have to let yourself feel it in order to move forward and be stronger.   Anyways watch these videos and tell me how they struck you whether it was meh she is just another self help guru like that really really really tall guy (Tony Robbins by the way and did you see he got people to walk on hot coals and they did it!!!!) or wow she is awesome and she made me realize things about myself.

Vulnerability!

Listening to Shame Y'all

Update NOW VIDEO WITH ROBIN SPARKLES!!!!! Because it is an awesome song!

Dear Diary Marathon What Diet?! and Fat Reality.

Wouldn't you work out if this came to your front door?

So my sister-in-law emails me a story about a 500 plus pound woman who plans on losing more weight by having marathon sex with her ex-husband.  Yes sex is a physical activity and yes it is good cardio and probably muscular toning depending on the position(s) ugh okay I have to stop now.  Y'all know I wrote this blog to chronicle my life as I journey towards a healthier lifestyle.  I report on my new types of eating habits, workout habits, meditation etc.  I promise you I will not be reporting on this if I ever and it will be never decide to do this.  The lady weighs a bazillion pounds and I bet her ex-husband is some little tiny dude, THEY ALWAYS ARE, and ugh must not vomit.  Okay yes good for her trying to lose weight, she is currently the fattest woman in the world or the U.S. hold up -googling it-okay yup fattest women in the world at 643 lbs.  When did we start celebrating this again?  Congratulations you weigh as much as a normal size family of 4 with grown adult children.  Let's give you an award and worldwide recognition.  I just don't get it.  Where is my award for being obese?  Oh wait I am not fat enough.

Dear Diary Stuffing My Face Full of Food

Sex Panther rawrrr

is no longer an option.  Here is an eye-opening proclamation, I use food as a coping mechanism.  For those two readers who read my long a** entry that was pretty much soul bearing and crap, well you know that I am struggling with depression or actually conquering depression now.  Old Delena immediately would use food to cope with everything. And I mean ev-ery-thing.
"Oh I am sad" *stuffs pizza slices in mouth*
"Oh I am angry"*stuffs cupcakes in mouth*
"Oh I am happy!" *stuffs potato chips in mouth*
"Oh I am bored" *stuffs cheese cubes in mouth*
I recently started watching the tv show Girls on HBO, yeah I know I had bad mouthed it but after a couple of episodes it is actually funny.  There is an episode where the main character goes back home or should I say the home she grew up in.  She was acting out and her mom immediately said "Are you hungry, there is chicken in the fridge."  Main character yells at her mom "I am not HUNGRY"  Then it immediately cuts to her later that night raiding the fridge (fat man at a buffet style) and I knew how she felt.  I laughed so hard at that scene and then I went silent.  In my mind I thought "Oh crap I do the same thing when I go home and visit my mom."  It never fails I go visit my mom who has a plethora of snacks (not the healthy variety) and I attack them.  Seriously those Pringles don't know what hit them because Delena "wrecks shop" on some Pringles.  My mom bless her heart she tells me to not give into the temptation because she wants to keep me going on my goal but you know it is hard when you are wired to regress to your old childhood habits and just eat, EAT, EAT, EAT, and EAT!  I was talking to one of my dearest friends this weekend and we both realized that how we were raised and our culture really affects our relationship with food.  Seriously I don't know how other cultures our with food but I know mine, Tex Mex culture.  I am what you would say Hispanic which most Hispanics hate because a) Politicians came up with the name and b) you cannot lump us into one ethnicity because we are many different cultures.  Well I am Tex Mex, I am of Mexican descent that is probably 4th or 5th generation Texan.

If you go to Mexico most people are very fit and healthy and tiny.  Now if you go to Kingsville, Texas and see Texicans yeah we are FAZAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  Some are skinny but most are fat.  Hispanics have a high rate of diabetes and heart disease.  I, my friend, am not immune from getting said diseases.  My maternal grandfather and my father had heart disease and diabetes.  My paternal grandmother and my mother had/have diabetes.  Worse my maternal grandmother passed away from ovarian cancer.  Studies are coming out that being overweight worsens not only the possibility of getting diabetes and heart disease but also the big C, cancer.  My paternal grandfather was healthy and was pretty much a vegetarian, he passed away at 85 of leukemia but he was super healthy before that.  Back to my point.  My friend we will call her Sex Panther, yeah she and I were saying aloud how our family was unhealthy.  We recounted how family pushes food on you all the time, that is how we roll us Texicans.  Then at the same time they comment on how you are a gorda (tr. fatty) or flaca(tr. skinny).  Seriously you are either too fat or too skinny but here eat this pan dulce.  I know my mom will read this and get mad or say "Mija did I do that, I don't remember I was too young"  Yeah you did mom but that was how you were raised.  All my family did that.  I was not one of those kids that didn't eat.  Hello I normally could put away three plates of carne guisada with rice and beans and a copious amounts of homemade tortillas or pan de campo.  Can I get an amen from my fellow Texans that can do this!?  Yeah I am not proud but yet I am.  I love good Tex Mex food.  Hey one positive moving to Atlanta you can't get good Tex Mex and so that temptation is gone.  Except now I forced myself to make tortillas from scratch, ha but they are whole wheat ones and damn good.

After this self discovery of my coping mechanisms, I realized I need to do positive things to cope: go for a walk, walk my dog, practice yoga, practice meditation, or my favorite craft and sew!  None of those activities involves stuffing my face full of food.  Well I am trying these and so far so good.  I have also cut down the portion size of our dinners too.  Again raised Texican, we had HUGE dinners, I mean HUGE for a banquet and yet here I was going back for 4th and 5ths for my mom's cheese enchiladas (hey you would too!).  I just go by the Bob method of eating meals, you eat like a king for breakfast, a lord or lady for lunch and a peasant for dinner.  Seriously it has worked.  Since I have done this I really did see my body change and I felt better.  I am proud to report that finally this year, I have actually been losing weight!  I am down two dress sizes, yes count them two.  I was in denial in how big I had gotten since December of 2010 that I was wearing clothes one size too small but I now realized yeah I was pushing the limit of the seams in my clothes.  I am keeping up with this and I am not giving up.  I know she hates it when people say this but my good friend Ouiser has gone down 2 dress sizes too and we both have been encouraging each other, she had been fed up too but I am proud of her.  I know I am going to keep up with this, not only because I found a dress at Anthropologie that I want to wear (actually that is a big motivator!) but also because I don't want a lifetime of illness affecting me in the future.