Dear Diary I am thankful for my tight pants....and Christmas!

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone and now we are getting ready for Christmas (according to Target Christmas started in August).  So raise your hand if you ate your weight in turkey, stuffing and all the sides.  *Raises Hand!*  Yeah me too.  I try to have some constraint but it is so hard when food is so delicious.   CURSES FOOD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DELICIOUS!  I pretty much gave myself a pass Thanksgiving week.  I attempted to make a sad looking pecan pie but dang it tasted so good.  My crust still looks horrendous and I even went to a cooking class!  Remember how I said no sugar well that went bust last week.  I ate nothing but sugar.  It is freaking hard so I decided to limit my intake of sugar of once a week (very little like a taste).  I cannot deny myself yet.  I read an article that trying to give up sugar completely is like going cold turkey on heroin.  *Picture Ewan McGregor going through detox in Trainspotting even with the creepy baby on the ceiling*

Yeah it is like that. So I am going to go easy on myself.  Still avoiding white things, like PROCESSED SUGARS (maybe once a week), PROCESSED WHITE BREADS, PROCESSED WHITE PASTA, PROCESSED WHITE RICE, WHITE POTATOES, etc. Anyways here is what is going on in my  Fatty Mcbutterpants life:

1.  Ate like a fat fool for Thanksgiving TWICE.  I had two Thanksgivings thanks to very nice amazeballs friends inviting us over for dinner and we had Thanksgiving on Saturday since Jonathan had to work that Thursday.

2. Back to eating healthy food.

3.  Threw away junk food I bought with my mom, imagine that I bought Hostess powdered sugar donuts, marshmallows and crap.

4.  Walking more this week and going back to Yoga ( I have not gone in a while YIKES!)

5. Oh yes I am very thankful my mom was here for Thanksgiving and made that delicious Tex Mex for us and now I know why I had gained so much weight after college.  DAMN YOU DELICIOUS TACOS AND ENCHILADAS!

6.  Be on the lookout for a new challenge soon!

I hope everyone really had a great Thanksgiving and you were able to spend time with family.  Also it is Christmas time so don't pig out too much on baked goods.  Okay well just a taste....

Just a taste y'all!

Dear Blog Suga bustin and other updates...

ACL was awesome but I am too old.

Hey there Ho there bleaders or roggers, what is a good combo word for blog readers?? Anyways I am here to announce my November Challenge and update you on what is going down with Delena.  Hmm where to begin, where to begin....Oh so I have had a full two months of visiting family and even squeezed in a little known music festival by the name of AUSTIN CITY LIMITS.  I went to the doctor.  I was happy with some results and other results not so happy, like my triglycerides are still high but working on that, FREAKING OBESITY!  My hormone levels seem to be balancing out thanks to crap I will admit it EXORCISING AND A HEALTHY DIET.  Yeah amazingly enough if you don't eat crap and move around your body starts to heal itself.  WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT???  I am also working on my mental health, yeah it is very important because as I have repeated time and time again yours truly is an emotional eater.  Yeah this lady likes to get some eatin done when her emotions are all over the place.  Now however I am beginning to think about it before I mindlessly munch on Pirate's Booty (a "healthier" version of Cheetos).  Actually Pirate's Booty isn't so bad it only has 6 ingredients unlike Cheetos with probably has okay damn I just counted 21 ingredients!!  So yeah processed junk foods out and whole foods in.  Something I laughed about in my youth or never even heard of actually.  Yeah case in point last night I made homemade mac and cheese with breaded pork chops.  I used real cheese and whole wheat pasta and made the bread crumbs myself out of day old bread.  I told Jonathan my mom made the same meal but with Velveeta Shells and Cheese and Shake'n Bake for the pork chops.  (insert Cal Naught, Jr. and Ricky Bobby quotes here).  Well I know that wasn't the healthiest meal I made but I made it all, I didn't open a box and dump.  That right there my friend is why we are fat and Europeans are not.  They don't have as much processed foods as we do.  Anyways so that brings me back to another point, SUGARS!

Dear Diary September Challenge part deux

Well this is the second week of the September Challenge and so far so good.  I have not thrown in the towel and WILL NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL.  My close friends know this is a quite a feet for yours truly since I am pretty lazy and have adult A.D.D.  Well we are keeping up with walking everyday for at least 45 minutes.  I need to work out more.  Oh man we did sprints and circuit training in the park, KICKED MY A**.  I am still having a hard time just sitting on the toilet.  Yeah squats kill me every time, especially when your husband corrects your form and then you go "Oh dang I have been doing them wrong for years because now I feel it."

Also, I have planned meals and made better decisions eating out.  We went out to eat on Friday but I had one beer, count it one beer.  On Tuesday, Jonathan and I split a beer and shared peanuts with our friends at the Braves game.  Yeah this is a big deal okay, I am normally the one with nachos cheesed up to high heaven and piled with jalapenos with a big bucket of popcorn and my gallon size cup of Coke Zero (because some how Coke Zero makes up for the other food items, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight).  Then I steal away during the seventh inning stretch to get ice cream in a helmet with toppings galore (why yes I will have some more crushed Oreo!).  Yeah but I controlled myself by eating beforehand -a healthy meal consisting of roasted chicken breast with vegetables-which eased my need to eat like a fat man at an eating contest.  Go me! And Jonathan of course. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that our friends at said game were also trying to refrain from making unhealthy choices too.  OF COURSE THAT MADE IT WAY EASIER TO STICK TO OUR CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yeah you know what I mean when you try to make healthy choices and the people you are hanging out with make it harder by eating all these delicious fatty fat foods in your face and you are practically about to knock a B over to get to those chicken wings she is dangling in front of you.  So it really helps when people surrounding you are also trying to be healthy. Which brings me to my friends-the gals- that support me and themselves with our challenge.

It's the Bravos!!!

Yes, the gals.  We have been friends since we were all 18 and we went to college together.  We even roomed together in one way or another.  So you know we are close.  Hellur if you know someone that has seen you passed out on a toilet and was kind enough to make sure you are not dead then you know you have a friend for life!  POR VIDA!  Am I right y'all?  Shut up I am classy now!  I make sure that if I do pass out that is on a couch with a waste basket nearby.  Anyways we are close, we text each other motivational cheers -we use GroupMe, an awesome group text app -and also vent.  Because it helps to say "You know what guys, I am sucking today on the challenge" and we respond "That is okay lady you got this tomorrow or the next day, we are here for you!"  Seriously it helps when you have a group of close friends motivating one another to keep up with your goals.  It also helps that your partner or "roomie for life" as Jonathan puts it is also supporting you so that way when you are at home you won't be tempted.  It is really hard y'all when your "roomie for life" stuffs chocolate ice cream in his face while you are trying to pretend to be happy eating low fat ricotta cheese sprinkled with cocoa powder and a little bit of honey as a dessert (seriously it is good dudes).  But I wanted to update you that I am sticking with this challenge and next post will include meal planning tips and some healthy meals I have discovered.  Also, unlike me most of you have jobs well I decided to post some findings on things you can do at work so you won't be so sedentary.  Seriously I gained ahem 60 lbs when I started working an office job.  So you know what I mean.  Well I hope this post motivates you to keep doing what you are doing that is healthy or not whatever. And now to be all Dora the Explorer in my blog:  What healthy tips to you have for when you go out with friends and maybe it is for a meal or a sporting event?  What did you say, that's right, isn't that right Boots?!  Okay clearly I have too many friends with kids.

Look at Swiper, F you Swiper you are nothing but trouble, Can you say F you?

Dear Diary Oh Yeah September Challenges!!!!!

So I have entered some challenges with my husband and my friends for the month of September.  The challenge with my husband will probably continue after September.  So here it is 10:00 pm and I am planning meals for the week.  I have my magazines out-yeah I am old no websites for me- and I searched for some meals and blammo I am done.  I know some of you are like "Delena who has time to plan meals, I don't!!!"  Well if you google Meal Planning boom you get a plethora of free apps for your computer and phone.  Look at that this is why people have smart phones because we like to do millions of things we don't have time to just sit down and do it for ourselves.  Calling on my two readers, do you have any meal planning apps you love or recommend?

I am old and I like to flip through pages

Anyways here is what I plan on doing with my friends:

1. 30 minutes of physical activity at least 5 times a week
2. Eat out only twice a week
3. Drink alcohol moderately twice a week

Challenge with my husband see below: I am hardcore because I want to win this challenge against my husband and it helps when you have friends doing a modified version to be your support!!!
Boom our latest gentlemen's agreement:

Oh it is on like Donkey Kong Jonathan!

Oh yeah and the prize for said September Challenges is oh guess what not having my foot amputated or getting heart disease!  In other words the prize is getting healthy and making healthy decisions.

P.S. Yes I noted the irony of me saying how much I love magazines because I love pages and print and the picture I took shows a magazine that printed on the cover "Ipad subscriptions are now available." Oh hilarious and Alanis please take note this is irony okay irony is NOT rain on your wedding day okay please just stop, just stop shhhhh *places index finger over mouth*

Dear Diary Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I am 33 and that is all I want to say! No not really. So be thinking of me while you go on with your day because it is my birthday.  Anyways I will be enjoying the day with my husband and my dog and maybe Blondie.  Okay today is a calorie free day y'all because I said so!!!!!

Thank you Farmer Ted for making it happen.....

Dear Diary Mmmmm Candy Bars and Filet Mignon.....

So as you know there is a drought going on and there are shortages of corn everywhere.  Well corn is in everything including beef.  How so you might ask?  Well in the feed the ingredients include corn.  So what are farmers going to do when corn gets too expensive and the feed becomes too expensive to buy.  What to do WHAT TO DO????  Oh wait a second FEED THEM CANDY!  Apparently they consulted with Willy Wonka and he developed a new feed for cows which involves candy corn and snozberries.  You may think this is a joke but it is not.  Seriously they are supplementing nutrition for cows with candy.  Candy that is unfit for consumption for humans but it is okay for cows.  Awesome and we eat those cows.  So next time you cut into your Ribeye or T-bone steak and see a candy coated shell, it is okay because at least you know it will melt in your mouth and not in your hand.

Gene W- ahem Willy Wonka 

Check out the link below:

Candy Cows and Oompa Loompas

Dear Diary When did I Become a Dirty Hippy

I am back after a mini vacation to Houston, Texas, where there are plenty of restaurants and obese people (the effect of having a multitude of restaurants).  Every time I go to Houston I come back a little wiser and a little fatter.  I started off my trip with a SECOND dinner at Mai's and ate too much tofu.  You are probably thinking tofu is not so bad, yes it is when it is deep fried and then is stir fried in butter with garlic.  Then to top it off I had a cosmopolitan, the drink that Carrie Bradshaw made famous.  Did I log in my points? Noooooooooooooooooooo.  I just ate and imbibed on alcohol.  Also it is hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle when you come to your mom's house and the pantry is loaded with this:

Look at Mr. Pringles he is staring at me saying you know you want this!

Dear Diary I'm not moving to Austin and other updates...

I like to keep my two blog readers informed about what is "going down" in my life.  As you both know I am still unemployed and that is fine.  When we do move into a dumpster, I may not be able to update this blog as much as I would like too.  Oh wait the library does have computers so there is hope!  Okay well here is what is going on in my life:

I bought awesome T-shirts for myself and my husband look below:

Nope not doing it!

UPDATE!!! Click here for more info on this magnificent shirt.

I joined a yoga studio and I am learning how to balance all seven chakras.  That is a hilarious blog post waiting to happen.  Let's just say fatty not so flexible but I am sticking with it! If Arthur can do it I can do it:

I did a sugar fast with a friend well not really but it was a "I am going to refuse dessert" fast but I succumbed to peer pressure most of the time.  Well some of the time.

Do you know how hard it was to say no?!

I went to three farmer's markets last week and realized wow they have awesome selections and it is DAMN EXPENSIVE but it is okay because getting the case of the "sugars" is more expensive in the long run.

Seriously these tomaters look good.

I realized that maybe two people reading my blog is a gross overestimate, it's probably just my mom.  Hi Mom!

See my mom has always supported me!

I am also going to work on informing my one reader (hello again mom) about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) more in this blog because it is something that has been around, according to researchers, for over 2,000 years and doctors are just beginning to diagnose more and more women with it.

PCOS is serious y'all

Also we got new neighbors.  Pollie is very unhappy with this and she makes it known every time they go onto their back porch and grill.

"Yeah I am giving you the stink eye"

I am reading this and realizing man my life is boring but that is fine because I have had drama for the past two years and I am good with just a peaceful life.

Beaches make me happy and sane.

Last but not least, my grammar is atrocious but thanks to The Oatmeal for helping me out.  

Dear Diary bathing suits will not make me feel bad anymore!

Sandcastles in the sand- Robin Sparkles

Warning this post is going to be semi-serious with a dash of (insert any women's talk show).  I went to the beach this week.  I had to wear a bathing suit *GASP*.  I have loathed wearing one since I saw my first dimple of cellulite, yeah I got it so what?!  Then something happened, I don't know if it is because I am 30 plus or what.  I was like who cares how I look in my tankini it is hot outside and I need to wear the proper attire to take a plunge into that large salty watering hole that some call the Atlantic Ocean.  I didn't care and I was okay with it.  I am overweight, I am fat.  I will own that word.  I have cellulite, I got grandma bat arms, I have double (sometimes triple) chins, and I have stacked tire belly syndrome (aka the Michelin Man).  I am me.  I love me.  All of me, the fat me, the emotional me, the crazy me, the silly me, the hilarious me, the angry me, the defeated me, and I could go on...Wait now I remember how this all started!!!

A dear dear cousin of mine emailed me a link to a lecture about Vulnerability (capitalized the word for emphasis people!).  I found the lecture entertaining and enlightening all at the same time.  All it was, was a woman on a stage with her power point slides.  No frills, no explosions, no fancy robot dragons or horrible rock bands playing in the back ground.  It was just Brene Brown, PhD, a University of Houston professor, speaking about her qualitative research about why certain people are courageous and fearless and others are not.  I don't want to ruin the lecture for you because I have the video posted for you.  In fact I am going to post two videos.  The other one is about listening to shame.  She is brilliant and insightful.  Her words spoke to me and yes I know I sound very cliche like a  person who wrote a blurb that is printed on the back of an Airport Bestseller Book!  I know!  Hey but this is how I feel.  I feel like in order to be a better person you have to not only love all of yourself but you have to feel all the your emotions.  We live in a society where you have to numb yourself to the pain or else you will be considered a pansy or that crazy woman who can't seem to stop crying!  That is not true sometimes you have to let yourself feel it in order to move forward and be stronger.   Anyways watch these videos and tell me how they struck you whether it was meh she is just another self help guru like that really really really tall guy (Tony Robbins by the way and did you see he got people to walk on hot coals and they did it!!!!) or wow she is awesome and she made me realize things about myself.

Vulnerability!

Listening to Shame Y'all

Update NOW VIDEO WITH ROBIN SPARKLES!!!!! Because it is an awesome song!

Dear Diary Marathon What Diet?! and Fat Reality.

Wouldn't you work out if this came to your front door?

So my sister-in-law emails me a story about a 500 plus pound woman who plans on losing more weight by having marathon sex with her ex-husband.  Yes sex is a physical activity and yes it is good cardio and probably muscular toning depending on the position(s) ugh okay I have to stop now.  Y'all know I wrote this blog to chronicle my life as I journey towards a healthier lifestyle.  I report on my new types of eating habits, workout habits, meditation etc.  I promise you I will not be reporting on this if I ever and it will be never decide to do this.  The lady weighs a bazillion pounds and I bet her ex-husband is some little tiny dude, THEY ALWAYS ARE, and ugh must not vomit.  Okay yes good for her trying to lose weight, she is currently the fattest woman in the world or the U.S. hold up -googling it-okay yup fattest women in the world at 643 lbs.  When did we start celebrating this again?  Congratulations you weigh as much as a normal size family of 4 with grown adult children.  Let's give you an award and worldwide recognition.  I just don't get it.  Where is my award for being obese?  Oh wait I am not fat enough.

Dear Diary Stuffing My Face Full of Food

Sex Panther rawrrr

is no longer an option.  Here is an eye-opening proclamation, I use food as a coping mechanism.  For those two readers who read my long a** entry that was pretty much soul bearing and crap, well you know that I am struggling with depression or actually conquering depression now.  Old Delena immediately would use food to cope with everything. And I mean ev-ery-thing.
"Oh I am sad" *stuffs pizza slices in mouth*
"Oh I am angry"*stuffs cupcakes in mouth*
"Oh I am happy!" *stuffs potato chips in mouth*
"Oh I am bored" *stuffs cheese cubes in mouth*
I recently started watching the tv show Girls on HBO, yeah I know I had bad mouthed it but after a couple of episodes it is actually funny.  There is an episode where the main character goes back home or should I say the home she grew up in.  She was acting out and her mom immediately said "Are you hungry, there is chicken in the fridge."  Main character yells at her mom "I am not HUNGRY"  Then it immediately cuts to her later that night raiding the fridge (fat man at a buffet style) and I knew how she felt.  I laughed so hard at that scene and then I went silent.  In my mind I thought "Oh crap I do the same thing when I go home and visit my mom."  It never fails I go visit my mom who has a plethora of snacks (not the healthy variety) and I attack them.  Seriously those Pringles don't know what hit them because Delena "wrecks shop" on some Pringles.  My mom bless her heart she tells me to not give into the temptation because she wants to keep me going on my goal but you know it is hard when you are wired to regress to your old childhood habits and just eat, EAT, EAT, EAT, and EAT!  I was talking to one of my dearest friends this weekend and we both realized that how we were raised and our culture really affects our relationship with food.  Seriously I don't know how other cultures our with food but I know mine, Tex Mex culture.  I am what you would say Hispanic which most Hispanics hate because a) Politicians came up with the name and b) you cannot lump us into one ethnicity because we are many different cultures.  Well I am Tex Mex, I am of Mexican descent that is probably 4th or 5th generation Texan.

If you go to Mexico most people are very fit and healthy and tiny.  Now if you go to Kingsville, Texas and see Texicans yeah we are FAZAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  Some are skinny but most are fat.  Hispanics have a high rate of diabetes and heart disease.  I, my friend, am not immune from getting said diseases.  My maternal grandfather and my father had heart disease and diabetes.  My paternal grandmother and my mother had/have diabetes.  Worse my maternal grandmother passed away from ovarian cancer.  Studies are coming out that being overweight worsens not only the possibility of getting diabetes and heart disease but also the big C, cancer.  My paternal grandfather was healthy and was pretty much a vegetarian, he passed away at 85 of leukemia but he was super healthy before that.  Back to my point.  My friend we will call her Sex Panther, yeah she and I were saying aloud how our family was unhealthy.  We recounted how family pushes food on you all the time, that is how we roll us Texicans.  Then at the same time they comment on how you are a gorda (tr. fatty) or flaca(tr. skinny).  Seriously you are either too fat or too skinny but here eat this pan dulce.  I know my mom will read this and get mad or say "Mija did I do that, I don't remember I was too young"  Yeah you did mom but that was how you were raised.  All my family did that.  I was not one of those kids that didn't eat.  Hello I normally could put away three plates of carne guisada with rice and beans and a copious amounts of homemade tortillas or pan de campo.  Can I get an amen from my fellow Texans that can do this!?  Yeah I am not proud but yet I am.  I love good Tex Mex food.  Hey one positive moving to Atlanta you can't get good Tex Mex and so that temptation is gone.  Except now I forced myself to make tortillas from scratch, ha but they are whole wheat ones and damn good.

After this self discovery of my coping mechanisms, I realized I need to do positive things to cope: go for a walk, walk my dog, practice yoga, practice meditation, or my favorite craft and sew!  None of those activities involves stuffing my face full of food.  Well I am trying these and so far so good.  I have also cut down the portion size of our dinners too.  Again raised Texican, we had HUGE dinners, I mean HUGE for a banquet and yet here I was going back for 4th and 5ths for my mom's cheese enchiladas (hey you would too!).  I just go by the Bob method of eating meals, you eat like a king for breakfast, a lord or lady for lunch and a peasant for dinner.  Seriously it has worked.  Since I have done this I really did see my body change and I felt better.  I am proud to report that finally this year, I have actually been losing weight!  I am down two dress sizes, yes count them two.  I was in denial in how big I had gotten since December of 2010 that I was wearing clothes one size too small but I now realized yeah I was pushing the limit of the seams in my clothes.  I am keeping up with this and I am not giving up.  I know she hates it when people say this but my good friend Ouiser has gone down 2 dress sizes too and we both have been encouraging each other, she had been fed up too but I am proud of her.  I know I am going to keep up with this, not only because I found a dress at Anthropologie that I want to wear (actually that is a big motivator!) but also because I don't want a lifetime of illness affecting me in the future.

Dear Diary I normally hate The View

Okay quick post go to Hulu or maybe you DVR'd it but Paula Deen is on The View as co-host and they are talking about the obesity epidemic.  I just saw Dr. Oz pull out organs damaged by fat and seriously ya'll I wanted to throw up and run miles around my neighborhood after I saw what my liver and heart probably look like.

I am on The View ya'll don't eat like I did!-Paula Deen

Dear Diary Sketchers are Sketchy

Why did people think these shoes worked?!

So yeah I never bought them but I know some people who did.  I am talking about the Sketchers Shape-Ups, those Frankenstein's monster looking shoes women wore thinking man I hope my butt looks like Pippa Middleton's in 3-6 months.  I never believed that claim; it's like the infomercials about a miracle pill that will help you lose weight and then shown in tiny letters and the announcer reads at a rapid pace, "Works only if you also diet and exercise."  Oh you don't say.  Yeah I remember when my dad tried metabolife but his doctor was like yeah no, you have a heart condition.  Eventually my dad lost weight on his own no miracle drug or butt shaping shoes included.  So yeah I am going that route the Roel Method, he walked everyday and cut back on how much ate and monitored what he ate.  I am not going to name names but I know friends who bought shoes like this, not only Sketchers but Reebok had them too.  Well looks like both had to pay big ol fines to the FTC for lying about results you will get with the shoes.  I just think it is hilarious and sad how people take advantage of others so easily because of their desperation to attain something or in my case lose something.  Yeah fatties will do anything to lose weight as long as we get to keep eating our McDonalds too.  The United States is getting to be a Fatty Mcbutterpants Nation.  Companies will try anything to sell their product.  I wonder if Shape-Ups were a mistake.  I can see it now:

Dear Diary Mental Health is Just as Important as Physical Health

Aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And other Aha Moments.  So I want to be honest and open with my two readers.  We moved to Atlanta seven months ago.  I decided to support my husband and his career because I knew if the roles were reversed he would do the same.  Well it is not easy moving from one city to another.  I have experienced this before when I moved from my hamlet of Kingsville, Texas, where it is famous for that one movie with Matt Dillon and that other movie with Helen Slater, to the metropolis of Houston, Texas, where it is famous for that one movie with Shirley McClain and Debra Winger and that other movie with John Travolta and Debra Winger.  I was eighteen at the time and ready to be free of my parents’ shackles and be independent well as independent as I can be with my parents footing the bills for everything due to me choosing an expensive private university.  I was scared and excited.  I had a hard time the first couple of months but luckily I had family around me in the area.  I could go see cousins, aunts and uncles.  So I never felt alone.   I also made friends due to the fact I lived in the dorms and we were forced to interact with one another.  I made lifelong friends actually and I was glad we were forced to do silly socials in the dorms.  

Dear Diary why is it easier to find naked pictures of Kim Kardashian

then finding information on how to live your life with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Seriously there are 5-10% of all women that are affected by this and you can find many articles but you have to really search.  I was correctly diagnosed back in 2008 with PCOS but I should have been diagnosed back in 1996 when I first put on birth control due to irregular periods.  All my gynecologist told me back then was that I was very overweight and that if I lost weight I would have a regular period, problem solved.  Right now I know that was very incorrect information.  So I decided to post my very long post because it gives people insight as to what I am going through and if I help one person who realizes they are not alone with the mood swings, the weight struggle, the infertility and so on then I have done what I set out to do.  So yay to me trying to put something on the internet that doesn't include a Kardashian, oh wait I just mentioned their name, damn here is a damn photo then!

I never watch the show and never will.

Dear Diary "I LOVE KALE CHIPS!"

So I am on a quest to have healthier snacks readily available or easy to make and my dearest friend introduced me to Kale Chips.  OH MY LANTA they are delicious!  I normally do not enjoy weeds aka kale you steam and serve with liquid aminos (seriously ya'll, people would eat this all the time at the Health Food Restaurant I worked at back in 2000).  Anyways this is so good and crispy and light, only 2 points per serving which is roughly under 100 calories and it is a good healthy green!  So my mother's day gift to you guys is this healthy alternative to potato chips, YOUR WELCOME!

Kale Chips-4 servings or 1 Delena (I should not eat all of it!)

4 cups of Kale (cut up chips size with stems removed)
1 tablespoon of olive oil or any oil (I use my Misto and spray about 2 long sprays of olive oil on it)
Sprinkle generousness amounts of Eden Foods Gomasio (sesame salt)*


Preheat oven to 425 degrees then take a large baking sheet and cover with foil.  Spread out Kale chips, spray or brush olive oil.  Then season with Gomasio.  Bake for 5-7 minutes depending on your oven.

*Alternative to Gomasio

So yeah I tried to find Gomasio here in Atlanta and even went to Sevenanda (the most granola herbal place since original Whole Foods) and they didn't have it SOOOOOOOOOO here is what I did in it's place.

Sea Salt
Japanese Red Pepper Mix Shichimi Togarashi (find in Asian section of store or specialty Asian stores)
Sesame Seeds

Sprinkle the above on the Kale Chips and bake and enjoy.

I love Trader Joe's they already have the Kale cut up and clean!

Eat these suckers and enjoy, seriously Jonathan loves them!

Dear Diary I wrote a long a** entry

Yeah so I wrote a long entry about mental health and physical health and how important it is to be successful in weight loss.  I am still deciding whether or not to share it with my two readers that read this.  It has a lot in it and I know this is a blog and people thrive on short entries and not novel entries.  Yeah this was a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG entry fo sho.

Here is the summary of the post in a Haiku (not really one since it is not focused on nature):

I was so depressed

I decided to get help

I learned to love me

So how do you two readers feel about the importance of mental health?  I think it is very important when you are trying to be healthy overall.  Meanwhile we have a new challenge for 3 months Jonathan and I will be going from Fatlanta to Hotlanta in time for the summer months.  The M.A.F.I.A. challenge did not go so well we never stuck to it but now it is a different game.  I will win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Diary Livin' like an Italian Gangsta

Fresh Fruits and Vegetables!!!

Well this Fatty McButterpants was on vacation for 3 weeks.  Yes I know how does one take a vacation when one is unemployed well by going to Italia!  Yeah it was awesome and yes don't worry I will have pics up soon on Picasa peoples.  So I have been doing a weight loss challenge too for 12 weeks.  So far I have lost about 11 lbs when I started said challenge but officially I have lost 16 lbs since I started trying to shed weight beforehand.  Yeah well it is a miracle that I kept weight off in Italy but was it a miracle?  Apparently in Italy they have fresh fruit and vegetables and serve them at their restaurants, THAT IS CRAZY YA'LL.  I am used to vegetables that are picked way before they are ripe and are weeks old by the time they come to restaurants or grocery stores and I am used to frozen processed chicken matter pressed into nugget form that is deep fried served with tater tots (which are also processed potatoes pressed into tater form).  Yeah don't bother asking for that at any locally owned restaurant.  I was surprised to see so many American fast food chains there and packed with so many teenagers!  I wanted to yell at them to stop it DON'T EAT THERE!!!!! Yeah but teens are teens they are the same in most countries, obnoxious and loud and do not listen to their elders.  Well point being we ate well and we walked a lot!

I fell in love with fresh easy dishes, seriously there were no more then 4 ingredients in most dishes and the taste was so complex yet simple.  Check me out with my vague food review like most horrible food critics.  Hey in my next life if I ever master the English language and write well, I do want to be a food critic.  Anyways here is a dish I loved called Pasta Alla Norma, a traditional Sicialliana dish.  It is so simple and delicious!

Pasta alla Norma, Molto Bene

Pasta alla Norma

Serves 2-3 as a main dish

1 medium eggplant, cut into 1" cubes (or 2 Italian eggplants, they are smaller in size)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
4 Tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, divided 
1/2 teaspoon sea salt 
freshly ground pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced or grated
pinch of red hot chili flakes
1 14-ounce can whole tomatoes, crushed
8 ounces spaghetti
1.5 ounces ricotta salata * (this is a hard ricotta cheese and you can find it probably at a gourmet specialty store or Italian grocery store or Whole Foods or Central Market but you can substitute parmesean or pecorino romano)
handful of fresh basil leaves 

Preheat oven to 400° F.  On a baking sheet, toss the eggplant cubes with 2 tablespoons of the olive oil, the dried oregano, sea salt and some freshly ground pepper.  Roast for about 25 minutes. 

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil for your pasta.

Place 2 tablespoons of the olive oil into a large saucepan or skillet.  Add the grated garlic and gently cook for about 1 minute.  Add the chili flakes and the crushed tomatoes (I like to just crush them with my hands). Simmer for 5 minutes, uncovered.  (Start boiling your spaghetti at this point. Don't overcook it.)  Add the roasted eggplant to your tomato mixture and simmer for 5 minutes, covered.  

Remove the spaghetti from the pot and put it right in the eggplant tomato mixture.  Toss well.  Add torn fresh basil leaves and some grated ricotta salata.  Turn out onto a serving platter and grate some more ricotta salata on top and tear some more basil leaves for the top.  

Dear Diary I have been tagged

Thanks to Ms. Dahnya I have been tagged to answer random questions so for those who are dying to learn about moi, read ahead

Yeah movies like these are my favorite

THE RULES

1. Post these rules 

2. Post 11 random things about yourself 

3. Answer the questions provided by the one who tagged you 

4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag 

5. Go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged!

Random things about myself that maybe only my mom and my best friends know hmmm

1. My mom originally thought I was cancer, yeah she went to the doctor thinking she had ovarian cancer and it was me!
2. When I was born my mom saw me and said that I was not her child but some white family's child since I was born with red hair and was ghost white. (Mind you I am Mexican American or Chicano or of the Hispanic persuasion).
3. I lived my whole life in Texas until now...currently residing in Atlanta
4. I never rode public transportation aka a bus until I was 16 and spent the summer in Austin and wow talk about cheap entertainment especially when a homeless guy flips you off, true story.
5. I spent a summer in Austin for a business nerd program for minorities at UT and met one of my oldest best friends there.
6. I loved V.C. Andrews and my original B.F.F.F. bonded over that and swapped books, if you don't know her books go to Amazon.com, NOW!
7. Some of my closest friends are also my cousins, they know who they are
8. I am an only child but never felt like one because my parents came from HUGE families and so I had tons of cousins around. 
9. I got married in a brewery and it was awesome
10. I hate small talk, I just stand there silent and awkward and then when I talk its rude and sarcastic
11. I love violent movies but they have to be hilarious or a good story line much like Pulp Fiction or Hobo with a Shotgun

Questions Dahnya asked me:

1. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year for free where would it be and why?

This one is hard but I would pick Terlingua, Texas.  We fell in love with west Texas near Big Bend National Park and everyone is so laid back and the stars at night are truly bright in that part of Texas

2. If you had to be on a reality TV show which one would it be?

Man I don't watch them anymore but how about a TV show like the Today Show because I would totally be on the third hour with Hoda and Kathy Lee because those b*tches get drunk all the time!

3. What's the story behind your name?

Well I was born after my grandma (my mother's mom) passed away and my mom wanted to honor her but also my dad's mom so she took both their names and combined them, my mom's mom was Elena and my dad's mom was Delfina, hence Delena was born!

4. What was the first concert you went to?

Okay well my first real concert other then Sesame Street Live was the Jets, it was a pop group of brothers and sisters from Hawaii

5. Who inspires you most right now?

Besides Oprah, I would have to say my mom and husband they are the ones who inspire me to be the best I can be

6. What was your first job?

I worked at my cousin's store that was called Kathy's Kopies and I made copies and learned about Monty Python

7. What famous person do people say you look like? 

Oh man Dahnya knows a bunch of my friends have told me I look like Alia Shawkat, she is Maebe Funke from Arrested Development. I kind of see it but I feel like I look more like Hurley from Lost especially with my frizzy hair!

8. When you were first asked what you wanted to be when you grew up what did you say?

Yeah Archaeologist because I wanted to be Indiana Jones

9. What magazines do you subscribe to? 

Everyday Foods, Whole Living and somehow I got a free subscription to Lucky

10.What was your favorite color as a kid. How about now?

Purple and Teal because I look awesome in Aqua Blues

11. What's your favorite way to celebrate something?

Oh that's easy backyard BBQ at my house with Lone Star and St. Arnold beer chilling in the ice chest with family and friends.

Tag your it:

Joey, Carol, Jill, Monica and April

1. How did you meet your spouse?

2. Where is your favorite vacation spot?

3. What's the story behind your name?

4. What is your favorite movie of all time?

5. Who inspires you most right now?

6. What is your guilty pleasure (something you love but won't admit in public except on the interwebs)?

7. Who is your favorite author?

8. When you were first asked what you wanted to be when you grew up what did you say?

9. What is your favorite alcoholic or nonalcoholic drink?

10.If you could be a famous celebrity for one day who would you be?

11. If you had bazillions of dollars what place would you love to live?

So do this people because inquiring minds!

Dear Diary I am rocking this 10 lb, 12 week challenge like a boss

Here are some updates on my progress (The I can't believe I stuck with it for Four Weeks thus far list)...

1. I have lost some inches and poundage (I decided not to say how many pounds I have lost because its more about health then pounds plus I don't want you guys judging me when I say oh I lost 10 lbs then next post well I gained 4 lbs)
2. My fat jeans are no longer tight and so they are now back to being my fat jeans
3. I should get rid of said fat jeans so I can not be tempted to let myself go again by saying its cool I still have my fat jeans
4. I am still keeping up with tracking what I eat using Weight Watchers (THIS HAS MADE A BIG DIFFERENCE)
5. I move everyday for at least 30 minutes (THIS HAS MADE A BIG DIFFERENCE)
6. I don't ever deny myself something but at the same time I don't gorge on it
7. I have cut waaaay back on refined sugars and processed food and I don't feel like crap as much anymore it is AMAZING
8. I have the support of my husband which helps tremendously and yes Celeste he does it in a positive way, he no longer taunts me with bowls of ice cream and calls me a fat cow 
9. I am learning how to nourish my inner craving, yes I know this sounds all new agey hippy like but its true.  In other words I am doing other activities besides stuffing my face with food to get fulfilled, for example I sew or take Pollie for a walk or call a friend, because I learned that just because I want to eat its not because I am hungry for food, its because I am hungry for life, hahhaaha yeah but its true it really is true.
10. Last but not least I keep in my mind my goal which is...to take a picture with my fat Jared pants and put it on Facebook when I lose 100 lbs...I kid, I keep in my mind my goal of finding a balance and being healthy so I can be there for myself, Jonathan and my family and friends. Namaste (that's right I am doing Yoga B**ches)

If I ever do this on Facebook you have permission to unfriend me

Dear Diary Homemade Granola, STFD!

STFD, which stands for Shut the Front Door because I am trying to be PG or at least PG-13 on my blog.  Well I love Granola.  We would buy it almost every week from the HEEEB (is what we called H-E-B, to my out of state or country readers it is a grocery store that is in Tejas).  Well some of you know I have a subscription to Everyday Food and well I stumbled upon a recipe from one of its loyal subscribers for homemade granola!  I saw the recipe and went, THIS IS SO FREAKING EASY WHY HAVE I NOT DONE THIS BEFORE.  So my gift to you is the recipe in a nut shell with my own little spins and tips.

Homemade Granola, it is so easy ya'll

Ingredients

3 cups of rolled oats (old fashion oats not the instant kind it should say it takes about 5 minutes to cook them)
2 cups of nuts coarsely chopped (I have used pecans, walnuts, pistachios roasted and unsalted of course)
1 cup of sweetened shredded coconut ( I omit this because Jonathan hates coconut but feel free to add it)
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup light brown sugar (Tip I have used dark brown sugar and it is wonderful too!)
1/2 cup honey (I have used agave nectar too in the place of honey works well for substitutions)
1 tablespoon of vanilla extract (look at your label I found out they use corn syrup in most vanilla extract but I found some without and it was bourbon vanilla, ugh yeah!)
3/4 teaspoon of cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon of fine salt
1 cup of mixed dried fruit (dried cranberries, raisins, dried blueberries, whatever you fancy)
1 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Yeah now I am hungry

Preheat oven to 300 degrees with racks in upper and lower thirds.  Lightly coat two rimmed baking sheets with nonstick cooking spray or I use parchment paper.  In a large bowl combine oil, honey, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon and salt, mix well.  Then add the oats and nuts to the mixture and still until it is all coated well.  Divide mixture between sheets.  Bake for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Then add 1/2 cup of coconut to each sheet and mix; bake until mixture is golden brown about another 15 minutes.  Tip, I would check the granola to see how fast it cooks because dark colored baking sheets cook faster then light colored aluminum ones.  Let it cool completely on sheets.  Then break apart in large mixing bowl and add mixed fruit and chocolate chips.  Store in airtight containers for up to 3 weeks.  It is delicious!  I like to mix it with my greek yogurt for breakfast or a snack.

Dear Diary Lighter Enchiladas minus the granola topping

Chicken Spinach Enchiladas

Serves 8 or 1 Jonathan

You see I love queso!!!

Ingredients

1lb Chicken Breasts
4 cups of baby spinach or thawed 10 oz box of spinach
1 cup of Quesadilla cheese or low fat Monterrey Jack cheese shredded
16 corn tortillas (yellow or white whatever your preference)
2 1/2 cups of tomatillo salsa or favorite green salsa jar (recipe follows)*
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  To make this recipe lighter I poached the chicken breast in a large saucepan in one inch of water and seasoned water with cumin and chili powder.  To poach bring salted water to a boil and place chicken in water, cover and let it cook for about 5 minutes over medium heat, then turn off heat and let it finish cooking for about 12-14 more minutes (it works!).  I got this idea from Martha Stewart, I am not going to lie.  Then take out chicken breasts and shred it with two forks or you can be lazy and chop it up in a food processor but don't over process!  Then place shredded chicken in a large mixing bowl and add spinach (trust me fresh spinach will wilt when you cook the enchiladas!)  Then add 1/2 cup of tomatillo sauce to the bowl and mix.  You can microwave the tortillas, wrapped in a paper towel,  in 30 second intervals until pliable to work with.  I heated the tortillas on the comal (a mexi-griddle) and liked that way better.  Normally you fry the tortillas in hot oil buuuuuuuut this is a lighter version so no deep frying Paula Deen style here!  Then you put some chicken spinach mixture in a tortilla and roll up tightly and place in a 9x13 baking dish and repeat until there is no more tortillas.  Then you pour remaining two cups of tomatillo sauce over the enchiladas and then sprinkle cheese over the enchiladas, you can omit the cheese for my lactose intolerant friends (such as myself) because the sauce is just as good by itself.  Then bake enchiladas for 30 minutes when cheese becomes golden and bubbly.
Ways I lightened this up, poached the chicken, then microwaved the tortillas and used way less cheese then I normally do!  Seriously cheese may not like me but I love it so I normally would do about 4 cups worth!

For those who want a vegetarian version, obviously omit chicken and I would saute the fresh or thawed spinach with onion and garlic and 8 oz of sliced mushrooms in large skillet with 1 tbsp of olive oil and then use that as my filling it is delicious!

Tomatillo Salsa

1-2lb tomatillos (hulled and cleaned and chopped in half)
1 poblano pepper (keep whole)
2 jalapeno peppers (keep whole)
1 serrano pepper (keep whole)
1/2 cup cilantro
3 cloves of garlic (take off skins)
1/2 onion chopped in chunks
1/4 cup of lime juice
1 tsp cumin
salt to taste ( I use about 1 tbsp)
2 tbsp of olive oil


Preheat oven to 400.  In a large mixing bowl combine tomatillos, jalapeno, serrano, poblano, onion and garlic and pour olive oil and season with salt and pepper.  Mix until lightly coated.  Then on a large baking sheet covered in foil pour out the contents of the bowl.  Roast for about 20-25 minutes until you start to see the poblano pepper skin start to blister.  Remove from oven.  Chop up jalapeno and serrano.  Place the  poblano pepper in a plastic zip bag until it sweats this makes the skin easier to remove.  Then remove the skin and take out the seeds and rough chop poblano.  Place every thing in a blender and add cilantro, salt, cumin and lime juice.  Then blend until smooth.  Should yield about 3-4 cups depending.  If you want the sauce to be mild use more tomatillos and I would cut out the serrano and only use one jalapeno.  It is delicious as a salsa by itself!  Also another option is to add 1/2 cup of non fat sour cream to the tomatillo sauce just mix together and makes a creamy sauce ( I would add it when you are about to blend the ingredients).

I hope you enjoyed my recipe, my next goal is to make a lighter spanish rice, wish me luck on that I doubt I will touch that it is a prized family recipe!

PS. See Ken Smith I decided to forgo the granola topping!

Dear Diary Sugar Busters and Other Updates

So since January 17th I have kept up with my lifestyle changes and since January 27th I have kept with the Gentlemen's agreement that Jonathan and I have agreed upon (see picture below).  I wanted to let you know that I honestly feel better.  I have lost some poundage but that's only part of the goal.  I am tired of reading articles or blogs about losing weight to fit into that cute dress at anthropologie, okay YES I DO WANT TO FIT IN THAT DRESS!  However it is more then that, I don't my leg to be amputated or have a triple bypass surgery by the time I am 50.  I don't want to be winded when I walk up a hill.  I went to a seminar on sugar and why we crave it and that opened my eyes immensely!  So I decided to ease into healthier choices. Here are some things I have done and wow it has helped.

1. Move at least 30 minutes everyday whether it be walking, Zumba, walking Pollie, Yoga, Circuit Training I do it.

2.  I am cutting back on refined sugars.  I have actually been pretty good on this but now I am being really mindful when I look at packages if it has more then 8 grams of serving of sugar in the ingredients back it goes.

3.  I am cooking more meals at home, this is actually a bonus because we save money and have a healthier meal.  We also eat at the table and not in front of the television anymore.

4.  I have cut waaaaay back on my alcohol intake.  I love wine, I love beer, I LOVE VODKA but it doesn't love my body so all I am left with is an overworked liver and pancreas that curses me every time they have to filter all the crap I imbibe.

5.  I have cut back on watching television.  I know GASP!  I decided I will only watch some shows plus I am boycotting Thursday on NBC since they took COMMUNITY OFF THE AIR!!!  Anyways studies show people who rarely watch television tend to live healthier lifestyles.

I don't expect people to follow in my foot steps because well this has been a long time coming.  None of these were overnight decisions.  I have eased into these.  The cutting back on refined sugars yeah that took 10 years!  I hardly use sugar in my cooking except baking but thank goodness for Google to find natural sugar substitutes i.e honey!  I knew about the sugar grams to look for thanks to my mom since she is diabetic and she has to be mindful of that all the time.  I just want people to realize that its more then trying to look cute in a pair of skinny jeans (a horrible fashion statement in my opinion), it's more about taking care of yourself as a whole.  So read below my gentlemen's agreement with my husband and so far so good.