Dear Diary read this article on why people are fatties like me

Here is an article written in the New York Times about why people lose weight and still are fat, The Fat Trap.  Much like the ones in McDonalds that's what we are, but with more oil and french fry smell.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html

Dear Diary A License to be Fat...

Why do they put your weight on the Georgia's drivers license?  As if the mirror and scale doesn't remind me of how I am overweight or wait sorry OBESE.  Ugh now I won't be offended when they don't ask for my ID at a bar.  I will refuse if they do, What what I am 32, I was born in ugh 1979 or so..... and this is the part where I put up my ID to show you where they put the weight but nope not going to because I was having a bad hair day and no make up.  So no more!  Yeah thanks for those who have stuck with me during this time of me not getting anywhere with weight loss, notice My Fitness Pal weight tracker has not changed!  Ha so you know I was  trying. Anyways, I am back and ready to (insert cliches).  To let you know I am serious:

Dear Diary the W.H.A.T. Method???

You can look like this in 3 weeks!!!

As you people know I am currently funemployed and looking for a job.  So I am at home a bunch watching terrible television instead of bettering myself with culture and crap.  Anywho Dr. Phil was on (which I normally don't watch but it was after Ellen) and I heard his voice from the television shouting out, "I am going to introduce this fool proof method for losing weight, it will blow all those other fad diet and [exorcise] programs away."  So naturally my ears perked up.  And then I saw these three very thin women who had toned bodies walk out in pink tank tops and black lycra pants and the super blond one in the middle said "We are going to talk about the P.I.N.K. method and how it will help you lose weight"  What the hell is this P.I.N.K. method and what does it stand for?

"You Fatties have no more excuses!"

First of all I thought okay is this Dr. Phil or an informercial where that crazy Australian guy will come out with his ugly sweaters or better yet Billy Mays come back from the dead.  Nope it was Dr. Phil and it was a room full of women sprinkled with men who were obviously husbands forced to come (yeah a very Oprah audience).  So he introduced his first guest a women who was my height and weight so my ears perked up.  She said she was tired of being overweight and that both her and her husband were on their way to fattymcbutterpantsville (my words not hers but you get the point.)

So then they brought out ladies who had lost the weight with ease.  He asked them what makes this program so different from the others,....the consensus response "The program combines eating right and [exorcising]"  Well shoot me down and call me fatty...*Delena dumbfounded look*  WHO KNEW THAT CRAP WORKS?  (for those who don't speak Delena I am being Sarcastic).  Well I figured what the hell I will check out the rest of this program and see what its about or better yet look it up online.  You can click P.I.N.K. and see what its all about.  Oh and finally they said what the hell it stood for on Dr. Phil: POWER, INTENSITY, NUTRITION, and KARDIO (dudes I am not even joking spelling Cardio with a K, seriously no English major will take this program seriously)

Dear Diary BREAKING NEWS A VEGETARIAN RECIPE MY HUSBAND LOVED!

Oh yes Oh yes it is as good as it looks!

ROASTED EGGPLANT LASAGNA

Ingredients

Serves 4

1 pound Eggplant peeled and cut into 1 inch pieces

2 tsp Olive Oil

15 oz Fat Free Ricotta

1/2 cup grated Parmesan

2 tbsp Fresh Chopped Basil

2 cups of Marinara Sauce (jar or homemade)

6 no-boil or oven ready lasagna noodles***

4 oz Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

Preheat oven to 375°F. Brush baking sheet with olive oil. Place eggplant pieces on paper towels. Sprinkle lightly with salt; let stand 20 minutes. Transfer eggplant to prepared sheet. Toss with 2 teaspoons oil. Roast eggplant until tender, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes. Set aside. Maintain oven temperature.

Mix ricotta cheese, 1/4 cup Parmesan, and basil in large bowl. Season with salt and pepper.

Oil 8x8-inch square glass baking dish. Spread 1/4 cup tomato sauce in dish. Arrange 2 lasagna noodles crosswise in single layer in dish. Spread half of ricotta mixture over noodles. Arrange half of eggplant over. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Spoon generous  1/2  cup sauce over. Arrange half of mozzarella over sauce. Repeat layering 1 more time. Top with 2 lasagna noodles. Spread remaining sauce over. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan and Mozzarella . Cover tightly with lightly oiled foil. (Can be made 1 day ahead; chill.)

Bake until noodles are tender and lasagna is heated through, about 45 minutes. Uncover; bake until cheese begins to brown and sauce is bubbling slightly at edges, about 15 minutes longer. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

It was sooooooooo good that even my husband loved it! LOVED IT!

***Important note, I use the Barilla Lasagna Rolled Flat Like Homemade pasta they are small sheets and can fit in the 8x8 baking dish

Dear Diary Happy Veteran's Day!

Roel Villarreal, US Army

This post is to honor those who have or are serving and protecting us.  My father was in the army during the Vietnam War.  My grandfather served during World War II.  Jonathan's grandfathers served during World War II.  One was in the Army and the other a Seaman (literally he was in the Navy).  My uncle was a Marine for 20 plus years and retired and is still a Marine.  My cousins were Marines and are still Marines in their hearts (one got married on the day of the Marines birthday!)  Jonathan and I have cousins who were in the US Air Force and I still have friends in the US Air Force!  So many family and friends have served and are serving and I am thankful!  Please show some respect and honor those who make life living freely here possible.

Dear Diary I am addicted to chugar.....

Yeah I LOVE SUGAR!  It's like Paula Deen's obsession with butter, I love sugar.  I need something sweet or something bready (which has sugars in it too gosh darnit!).  I am trying to be healthy and I am reading more books about PCOS.  Breads and sugars are what I need to either control my portions or not eat them at all.  Okay stop there, me not eating bread is like asking people not to breath, its not happening.  I probably should switch to a gluten free sugar free diet but cardboard doesn't taste well.  If you don't believe me check out what I made with beautiful yeast and sugars and flours

Pretzles are yummy for my tummy and turrible for my thighs! 

Paula Deen's Buttery Buttermilk Biscuits

And now I can't fit in my pants....

Dear Diary I met Paula Deen Y'all!

Paula + Michael = Buttery Love

It started with a text from my new Atlanta friend, Jill.  I couldn't believe it!  What Paula is going to be at Barnes and Nobles signing books out in Buckhead!  I was seriously considering bringing a stick of butter for her to sign but Jonathan said that's ridiculous wasting a good stick of butter like that.  I mean I was waiting patiently for the day when I would be in in the presence of greatness.  And you know what good things do come to those who wait.  I met Ms. Paula Deen and Michael! I was so estatic I thought I was going to have a caniption! I waited in line for 2 hours to get her Herbie Hancock* and it was worth it. This is phase one of her becoming my best bud! I bought her book, Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible and well none of it is diet friendly but it sure looked so good makes you wanna slap yo momma! Man I am gushing here. I hope I get to see Ms. Deen again and then we will talk about her and Michael's favorite game (Jonathan knows what I am taking about) and butter our rolls.

Dear Diary I am back and hotter then ever in Hotlanta (Quick update)

I moved to Atlanta for good, well for a while.  We sold our house and now are renters once again.  I have not gained or lost weight, so I am at a standstill.  But I am working on more blog posts and this is going to became a blog about losing weight as a homesick Texan in Hotlanta.  So keep following me and keep me motivated!!!!!!!!!

Dear Diary Farmers Markets are...AWESOME

Okay this was in San Francisco not Atlanta but still!

But I am too poor to enjoy them all the time!  The other day I was driving around exploring my new adopted city.   I saw a sign that said Green Market.  It was a farmer’s market that was located at Piedmont Park.  So after circling around like National Lampoon’s European Vacation when they were stuck in the roundabout and kept seeing Big Ben, I finally found a parking space.   The Farmer’s Market was so nice with its fresh vegetables and fruits and hydroponics…no dudes not that kind of Dro.  Yeah they had so much to choose from.  This is the best way to support your local city by purchasing local produce and even meats.  But we know the problem, it’s SO DARN EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!!  Is it really though in the long run?  Look at those TOMATOES...

Dear Diary I wanna be a billionaire....

So I was re-reading my blog entries (yes I am that vain) and noticed man all I do is complain and but never put my money where my mouth is figuratively speaking.  Well no more.  I heard of this book the Secret and apparently if you think it, it will happen.  I will be a size six (bwuahhahahhaha) okay seriously I think that all the time as I stuff cake balls down my gullet.  But seriously I wrote down some goals to help me be healthier and happier.  So here goes...

1. Be a billionaire like Oprah (do I really need a hyperlink for HER) and maybe Nate Berkus will design my castle oh and of course get on Oprah's network some how with my reality show.  

2. Make more meals at home that way I can make sure what I eat is healthy.  Somehow I don't believe restaurants when they say those vegetables are healthy and they are smothered in garlic butter, seriously.

3. Exorcise more and make it fun for me (Dahnya and Joey (the Zumba Queen) you guys inspire me!)

4. Whittle down my addiction to junk food full of so much preservatives that I can pretty much mummify myself.

5.  Be an internet viral that will end up on Tosh.0 and he will make me do a web redemption, okay never mind on that because I normally laugh at those a**holes.

6.Lower my intake of sugars of all kind.  Yeah I am a sugar addict not just desserts but breads.  If I had my way my meals would consist of fried foods, rolls and pecan pies.  Dang pecan pie with a side of Bluebell okay back to my goals.

7. Oh and to get sponsors to notice my blog so I can get free stuff, I use weight watchers!  I love Iphones!  I love Money (do you know if the US Treasury needs a spokesperson).

I really want goal number 1 to happen I am working on something, if Bethany Frankel can be a millionaire for a sh**ty skinny margarita, I can make BILLIONS selling poop too.  Seriously I am going to stick to these.  I am tired of excuses.  I have PCOS.  I want people to be aware that many women have it and the sad thing is you can control it with some medicines, exercise and healthy eating. If left untreated it causes infertility, diabetes, heart disease...the list goes on.  So this B is going to be healthy.  DELENA OUT!

Wait Wait Wait I forgot to change my number one goal to this:

Dear Diary I am moving on up to the east side...

This is how they do it in the Durty South

Well, my friends of Tejas, isn't that redundant since Tejas means friends, anyways, my friends I have left the Lone Star State.  Yes you read right.  I moved my Fatty McButterpants to a place we call Hotlanta.  Good ol ATL, in Georgia.  Jonathan got a job back in November of 2010 and they told him that they are moving to the "durty" south, where Ludacris was born.  I was not for it at first but then thanks to an old co-worker whose lack of self worth reminded me that I can do whatever I want and not be stuck in a rut at a job I didn't enjoy.  So I said let's do this and now here we are.  Getting to Atlanta was not easy.  We have to sell a house, find a place, find a job (a good one this time) and this time not try to fall through the crust of the earth.

Yeah I was eating like a fat man in a rib eating contest.  I couldn't stop because of stress.  STRESS IS BAD.  But I can also decide on whether or not to let it consume me or just let it go.Well I am just realizing that my stress=eating everything around me.  All I do is eat and drink.  Remember when I decided to give up alcohol, (hohohoheeehehehahahahaha, still laughing on that one).  I immediately went to drinking when we put our house up for sale.  It is freaking stressful and you gotta CLEAN YOUR HOUSE, what what.

Dear Diary Do I wanna be super fat?

You know the pictures of morbidly obese people, yeah they tend to scare me.  I need to lose weight seriously.  I will reiterate once again someone with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) has a higher chance of getting diabeetus and/or heart disease.  Well, my mother has diabeetus and my father had heart disease.  Yeah so chances are I will be getting those if I don't lose this weight.  I went to my Reproductive Endocrinologist last week and my results for my insulin and blood sugar were great but he said to watch what I eat and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  Sounds easy right.  Wrong, I love food and I love Netflix Watch Instantly.  (Curses Mad Men why are you so good!)  Well I asked my husband last night what can I do to keep me motivated.  Here is what he said:

"My plan is to keep a picture of a super fat person in my wallet so that way when I am about to eat I can look at it and then look at my food and maybe not want to eat as much"

Wow thanks oh great sage of weight loss you are a real Bob Harper.

Yeah so I googled pics of "super fat" people and wow.  It's not pretty and it is sad seeing how bad some people get.  I don't want to be that way.  Maybe that will work for Jonathan but it will just depress me looking at fat people ahem fatter people then me.  So what are you ideas to keep you motivated to lose weight?  Hopefully its better then this:

Although it looks like my butt its not...or is it?

Dear Diary Facebook part Deux....(and other updates)

This was me happy in San Antone before the fall :(

Well I have not been here in a while as you guys know I am moving soon to Hotlanta!  Yeah we are still trying to sell our beautiful house.  A lovely 1927 Craftsman home with everything updated!  Enough of me selling my house.  So here goes crap that happened to me while funemployed...

Had a yard sale and at said yard sale I injured my hip.  I mistakenly thought it would be okay for me to cross over my dog's pet gate (its like a baby gate for dogs) and tada pulled a muscle.

Then had a fun Fourth of July aka Independence Day but the day after I slipped on some stairs and fell on my back and big ol Butt.  Yeah I had some sweet bruises.  (Side note I think the nurse who checked my vitals was thisclose to calling a women's shelter but that's another story)

Dear Diary I is poor now but this B still gotta eat,

So I am underemployed and I still have nightmares about my old job.  Another blog, another post.  Well I am calling on you my blog followers to give me ideas for recipes on the cheap.  I got some from friends via Google+ (which I love!)and Facebook but need some more ideas or websites.  You gotta help or else I will have to resort  to Jonathan for an idea and well left up to his own devices you get these artery cloggers on a plate:

I feel the heart disease starting now just staring at these

Dear Diary Buffalo Exchange and Yard Sales can SUCK it....(updates)

Mexican not included

Hey there, ho there its summer, summer time (insert Will Smith dance).  Many of you know that I am now unemployed, underemployed, funemployed, etc.  You get the gist.  Well I am still trying to lose weight.  I lose, I gain, I lose, I gain...its like the economy, recession, recovery, recession, recovery.  So yeah it sucks.  Well I need money and I need to get rid of crap.  That always equals YARD SALE!!!!!!!!!!!!  Which by the way suck to put together in the dead of heat and you are dying outside while your husband is comfortably sitting at his desk in his turbo Air Conditioned office building.  Anyways we sold stuff, my favorite customer of the day....Old Mexican man who bought random items and paid us in five dollars worth of dimes!  Yeah he bought my mariachi hat, my mom's velvet tiger painting, eagle bookends, and a scary clown figurine.   Why, Why, Why?  I mean I understand the mariachi hat and velvet tiger painting because WHO DOESN'T NEED THAT! We sold crap and boy did people buy it.  Whatever we didn't sell we donated.  We are trying to downsize our stuff.  (But that's another blog post).  The only thing I didn't donate were these really cute shoes that I stupidly thought Buffalo Exchange would buy.  They are cute...

Dear Diary Gastric Bypasses and Kenny Rogers

'Scuse me I wanted a piece....

So last week at work was a co-workers birthday.  She had German chocolate cake, I couldn't resist.  And what better way to celebrate said birthday then eating cake and talking about Gastric Bypasses and Stomach Stapling.  ....( yeah insert colon slash emoticon face here) :/

Well as we all gathered around passing the cake ala Office Space, but unlike Milton I did get a piece(a small piece), Old Man Magoo (semi retired co-worker who is 175 years old that still comes into work despite being on death's door) commented that the Owner of the company better eat this cake while he can before his surgery.  Well that perked up everyone's ears...Surgery.  Well let me preface by saying the Owner, looks like Santie Claus, yeah he really does big ol belly and rosy red cheeks with a white beard.  I will call him Santie Claus for the remainder of this blog entry. So Santie Claus told us that he is thinking about doing gastric bypass surgery which used to be known as stomach stapling, to which I said didn't Kenny Rogers get that done (really what hasn't Kenny Rogers had done, he is a poster child for why not to do plastic surgery along with Joan Rivers).  Well apparently like Kenny, Santie knew when to fold them and decided to go the surgical route to lose weight.  He has struggled with his weight for years and thinks this is only his option.  Now as we are eating our cake he describes in detail what they will do to his stomach and yeah I wanted to throw up the cake and do some push ups right then and there.  Now here is the funny part though the surgery won't be covered by insurance unless he follows a nutrition plan for six months and loses weight first, seriously laughed out loud on that one because in my little head I was thinking okay if he could do that in the first place why would he be doing the surgery.  But then my boss quickly retorted the insurance sees this as like giving an alcoholic a new liver they want to make sure this works for you and you can stick to losing weight after the surgery, man that is so true.  They gotta make sure fatties lose the weight and keep it off since they are paying big bucks to sew up your stomach to the size of your thumb yeah seriously.  No wonder Star Jones drank her meals in shot glasses.  I know people are desperate to lose weight but why drastic surgery?  Are you that addicted to Whataburger and McDonalds that you would rather spend thousands on surgery then to give up those foods and eat better and exercise?  Santie Claus said this is his only viable option because what else can he do and of course the ass hat I am I responded in my smart tone "Diet and Exercise"

Dear Diary this is HILARIOUS (NSFW) Language

Dear Diary "My girl likes to Zumba all the time Zumba all the time..."

You know its good when you wear leather

Zumba all the tiiiime (to the tune of Party all the Time arranged by the genius Rick James sung by Eddie Murphy).  So a long long long long time ago Living Social had a coupon for 20 Zumba classes for $20 bucks I think I don't remember.  Anyways it was CHEAP.  So I thought what the heck I will buy this.  Well I avoided it like the plague, thinking no way this lady here, yeah me, my a** was too fat.  My friend Ouisa aka Celestitude had taken it and said it is a work out and you can't breaf very well.  We both have asthma (side note took a breathing test my lungs breath like 45 year old lungs AWESOME!)  Anyways then I did 2 Insanity workouts count them 2!  Have you done this, well if you are like me and Obese and Sedentary DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If you are like Jonathan who is overweight but can work out like a mad man by all means do it.  Seriously Shaun T can kiss my Big Mexican A**.  I knew I was in for something when the stick thin athletic girl was barely stumbling through the end of the workout DVD and she was as thin as a straw with maybe some boobs.  Seriously she fell flat on the ground and was like NO MORE SHAUN T and I am like WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Anyways so that made me think I am avoiding Zumba because its fast pace dancing and Insanity is fast pace cardio workouts and I was dying.  I was sure Jonathan would need a defibrillator to zap me back from the dead. ***Cue dramatic ER sequence and my John Dorian daydreaming  "CLEAR" Kachunk "CLEAR" Kachunk " We are not losing you on my watch Damn You, quick wave the cheese cake in her face"
Well on my mom's birthday besides the Facebooking my cousin Joey Jay was talking how she lost 10 lbs because her work is doing Biggest Loser Contest.  She realized she had to do it because our family is diabeetus central.  My mom was diagnosed at 38, that is less then 7 years away for yours truly.  So I realized okay yeah I am already pre-diabeetus and this is no bueno.  Joey Jay told me her secret was eating right, walking and ZUMBA!!!!!!  I thought whoa hold up really.  She said yup.  She loves it!  Well after my cleanse of Facebook and TV I realized maybe I should be doing something with my free time.  So 2 weeks ago I finally did it.

Dear Diary Lazy Sunday on You Tube

This is not referring to the SNL short Lazy Sunday about Chronicles of Narnia, though that was an awesome video.  I am trying to get motivated to clean my house since it counts as working out so now I am jamming to some classics, Otis, Aretha, and Ray Charles.  So to my friends I ain't ashamed to say that a little movie introduced me to Otis and if you have not watched it for shame!

Dear Diary he took the words right out my dad's mouth...

I have another blog titled Mr. V's Journey and it was started to keep family updated on my dad's condition when he got into a terrible accident.  I posted on there a blog post from Derek K. Miller.  He wrote his last post as he was dying but he wrote it as if he were dead and what he wrote is exactly what I think my dad would have written had he had the chance.  So please click on the link below to read or go to my blog to read, his words resonate with me....

The Last Post

Dear Diary Adele rocks!

My friend Dahnya posted her new obsession with Adele and I love her too.  She is absolutely talented but it is sad people focus on her weight rather then her voice.  She is beautiful and happens to not be a size 2 FOR SHAME.  So decide for yourself, I posted a video of her singing on David Letterman (best cover of this song ever!)

The original version below

And its subtitled in Spanish so its a learning post too!  

Dear Diary Oh Great Oprah tell me what to do...(Warning its Sappy and Introspective)

Oprah Winfrey the great

I started this blog to motivate me to be physically healthy but now I know I need to be mentally healthy too.  As most of you know I have had a series of unfortunate events happen.  I am trying to finally, FINALLY deal with them.  It has been hard this is not an easy journey and its one I hope you never have to experience.  I am glad I have an awesome family and some awesome friends who have been my support during all this.  Most of all I have had a great husband, I joke about him.  I tell people about his Fartello Dogs.  I tell people how he says he is going to fall through the crust of the earth at the rate he is going on gaining weight.  But he truly is great on being my loudest Dr. Phil cheerleader but he can't do this on his own during my dark times.  I think of Oprah during these times, yes I realize she is a billionaire whose greatest accomplishment is ugh EVERYTHING!  Oprah to me is someone who represents a woman who really went through a lot in her life and she succeeded.  I know its cheesy and people who know me, know that I am a hater but I cannot hate Oprah.

Dear Diary I am reverting back to good habits

I will beat you!!!!!

A long time ago back in 2000-2002, I was very fit and healthy.  Facebook was not even a zygote, Myspace was barely starting and I didn't have cable.  My roomies and I actually socialized and were busy studying too.  Now I am so distracted.  I realized my addiction when I was at my mom's 60th birthday party and I was Facebooking about it rather then participating.  I also realized my priority for TV when I was planning my life around Glee!  Seriously a television show and its not a good show in the sense of ground breaking drama its campy and fun but I can catch it on Hulu.  Jonathan and I talked.   How addicted I am to Facebook, he is to television.  He has no self control when he flips on the TV, like me when I logged into Facebook.  I couldn't stop.

Dear Diary Farewell Facebook

I am no longer on Facebook, I deactivated my account.  Maybe I will go back but for now I am done.  If you want to catch up with me, call me or email me.  This lady needs to concentrate on herself and be healthy mentally and physically.

Dear Diary my husband should win an award!

For cooking the fattiest things on earth.  So we fell off the wagon but this week I went to the grocery story and got healthy things for us to cook and snack on.  I bought the essentials.  Well Jonathan and his brother, Anthony, decided to hang out today and that entailed cooking lunch.  Keep in mind I had healthy food in the fridge.  Here is how it all went down:

Anthony-"It's my birthday dude and I want for my dinner a hot dog wrapped in bacon battered and deep fried"

Jonathan-"Naw Man that is not good trust me I have had it (yes he has folks!) What's better is just a bacon wrapped hot dog in a bolillo (not a Caucasian) and you fry in oil in an iron skillet."

They go to Krogers to get the ingredients of course and history was made.  So the Fartello Dog was created and the recipe goes as follows:
2 slices of bacon wrapped around Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs, the long ones
Fry them in oil to a nice crispy bacon finish
Place artery hardening hot dog in the bolillo and garnish with chili garlic sauce, mustard and Italian blend cheese and that my friend is a Fartello Dog.    Also what has to be mentioned is that Jonathan ate 4 of these puppies, yes after his brother pussed out and could only eat 2 instead of the 3 he requested.  Then Jonthan went into an artery clogging coma for 4 hours. Try it if you want to have heart disease for life.  Feast your eyes below for Jonathan's Masterpiece:

The Fartello Dog available at select locations

Dear Diary I didn't abandon you, I just went on VACATION!!!

Hey just a quick teaser blog about my awesome stay in our Nation's capital, it involves good food, good memories and travelers checks....some of you born after 1985 may not know what those are but whoa hohoho was I surprised that they still give them out at the bank...

Dear Diary WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS!!!!!!!

As you all know I love Paula Deen, yes even though her meals are saturated with fatty goodness, she makes my day brighter with "Hey Y'all!"  Well I stumbled upon this open letter to Paula Deen from another blog and they made either the greatest or grossest tribute pie to Ms. Deen.  Check out: An Open Letter to Paula Deen

I am not condoning this recipe but I still am jealous that they thought of this.  One day I will meet you Ms. Deen and we will eat our deep fried butter balls and deep fried chicken pot pies with some Mint Juleps.

Dear Diary a funny thing happened on the way to the Galleria

As some of you know I am trying to walk during my lunch hour for 30 minutes at work.  I walk to the Galleria and walk back no big deal other then I smell like a dog that has been outside so note to self bringing my perfume to work.  Well I get back to work and lo and behold #476 why I don't like working for a small company.  This lady I call Old Lady Magoo stops me on my way back to the office and says in her refined Texan accent:

"Daaaaylaaahyna did you just go a walkin to the Galleria?"

"Yes, yes I did"

"Ooohoohoho (laughing here) well I saw you from my car and was wondering what is Daaayllaayhna a doin walkin to the Galleria"

"I started walking around my lunch hour because I don't want to be fat forever"

I said this as I was walking away from her.  Seriously who cares.  I found out later she went asking around if they knew I walked around the Galleria.  REALLY really REALLY WHO CARES.  When did it become newsworthy when some one goes out for a walk.  So I thought I would share the hilarity ensued due to me trying to be healthy.  Oh yeah and what also made headline news was I refused a piece of German chocolate cake on Monday, GASP FATTY REFUSES SWEETS NEWS AT 11:00!  FATTIES DO WALK NEWS AT NOON.  So this was a quick entry I apologize for the grammatical errors and misspellings.  This lady is about to eat her side salad and grilled chicken breast kabob, BREAKING NEWS SHE DOES EAT HEALTHY!!!!!

Dear Diary Friends CAN be supportive Part Dos,

I have some links to share with you duderinos.

First up an article I read about how friends helped each other lose weight:

Weight Loss Transformations: Best Friends Edition

Second is, my friend, Dahnya's recipe she posted on her blog, a delicious less fattier but not skinny on the flavor lasagna:

Incoherent Musings: Hearty Dining

Dear Diary more recipes so good you wanna slap yo Momma!

I had a previous post talk about having dinner with friends who made a delicious vegetarian Shepherd's Pie and Green Beans. Below are the awesometastic recipes:

Sunday's at Moosewood's Shepherd's Pie

Serves 4

Ingredients

1 package protein crumbles

1 Large onion, chopped

2 tablespoons Vegetable oil

¼ teaspoon Thyme

½ teaspoon Ground coriander seeds

Pinch of freshly ground black pepper

½ cup Walnuts, toasted and chopped

Juice of ½ lemon (about 1 tablespoon)

1-2 tablespoons Soy sauce to taste

4 Large potatoes, peeled and cubed

3 tablespoons Butter or margarine

½ cup Milk

Salt to taste

Mushroom Gravy

2 tablespoons Vegetable oil

½ pound Mushrooms, sliced

3 tablespoons Soy sauce

Pinch of freshly ground black pepper

1 ½ cups Hot potato water

2 tablespoons Cornstarch dissolved in ½ cup water

Preparation

This Shepherd's Pie is a casserole combing three elements: a tofu saute, mashed potatoes, and mushroom gravy. If you perform the three operations concurrently, you will shorten the preparation time considerably. Start the freeze-thaw tofu procedure at least the day before you expect to make the casserole.

For the tofu layer, heat protein crumbles through and set aside.  Saute the chopped onions in the oil with the thyme, coriander, and black pepper until the onions are translucent. Stir in the chopped walnuts and protein crumbles. When heated through, stir in lemon juice and soy sauce. Remove from the heat.

To make the mashed potatoes, place the cubed potatoes in a saucepan and cover with lightly salted water. Bring to a boil, and then simmer until the potatoes are soft. Drain, saving the hot potato water to use in the gravy. Mash the potatoes with the butter and milk. Salt to taste.

For the gravy, heat the oil in a skillet. Stir in the mushrooms, soy sauce, and black pepper. Saute, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms are tender. Add 1 1//2 cups of potato water and bring to a boil. Slowly stir in the cornstarch mixture and cook at a low boil, continuing to stir, until the gravy is clear and thick.

Oil a 9-inch square casserole dish or use a 10-inch round cast-iron skillet. Layer the tofu mixture, then the mushroom gravy, and then the mashed potatoes. Dot the top with butter or margarine. Bake at 400º for 15 to 20 minutes until the top becomes golden. 

Dear Diary it is GD hard for this B to lose weight!

So I know a lot of you have seen that cover of People magazine where a matoore actress is in a bikini or skin tight dress with her hands raised in a V shouting I lost 75 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!  They make revolutionary statements of “All I needed to do was eat a balanced meal and exercise.”  Well woop de freaking do, if I had Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig giving me some cold hard cash to lose weight you bet this lady would kick it into high gear.  What they don’t tell you is they have a personal trainer and personal chef or that they work out 8 hours a day to get those abs.  Well I am a normal person not a celebrity documenting my weight loss and IT IS HARD.  Why was it easier to gain weight... oh yeah because all I did was sit there and shoveled food down my gullet.  Now I have to exercise and eat a balanced meal, no seriously I am trying to do that.  It’s hard when you work 40 hours a week and all you want to do is cuddle with your puppy and watch Glee or Community.  So I will be honest I have my moments of failure.  I am weak sometimes.  Especially when this B is an emotional mess and needs chocolate stat.  I have lost some poundage but not as fast as I thought I would which is fine.  You don’t want to lose to rapidly because then before you know it all comes back.  Also the reason for this blog is to show you that I am losing weight the old fashion way.  I am not going to Star Jones’ you, I am not going to say I did diet and exercise when all I did was get gastric bypass and eat meals in shot glasses for a year.  So I am in a need to pump myself up again.  I am having a moments of doubt:

“Will I ever lose weight”

“Am I destined to be overweight forever” 

Dear Diary We're Walking We're Walking....

As some of you know I did a 5k this weekend, well I am putting up some pics from the event and I will post a story to go along with these pictures soon.  Here are some pics of my adventures walking the Conoco Philips Rodeo Run 5k:

Can you see my double chin oh yeah and my number

It's the start of something new in my life (eeh cheesy right!)

Dear Diary Friends CAN be supportive,

Hmmm delicious and HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!
I need to work on my camera skills I know!

A couple of Sundays ago I went out to the Cobb-Johnsons to meet their newest addition.  By the way cutest baby burrito ever!  Well Jonathan and I decided to stay over for dinner and knowing that I am trying to stick with a new lifestyle plan of eating they already had a great meal planned.  We had Vegetarian Sheppard’s Pie with Sautéed Green Beans.  And it was goooooooooooooooood.  I will have the recipes posted after this.  I am glad my friends are being supportive during a time when some friends are like okay I will be supportive after we split this piece of pie or after we get are drink on at Happy Hour.  Yeah I know it is hard enough when you go out with friends or visit a friend and try to stick to the plan.  I am easily persuaded, no seriously you can just say “Delena what about” “YES I will go with you to Star Pizza” see you don’t even have to complete the sentence I already know.  Anyways it was nice for the Cobb-Johnsons to have me over and feed us a healthy meal.  I hope all my friends who read this take note and help a Mexican out (me being that Mexican).  

But I still love you Star Pizza... NOOOO I will not succumb to your delicious beer crust.

Dear Diary I can’t believe it’s not meat!

Well I am on my way to my goal of more vegetarian friendly meals.  The other night I made a Hearty Tuscan Vegetable Chowder that had no meat in it.  What it had were “meat” crumbles from Morningstar which is basically Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP).  I got the recipe from Weight Watchers which has yummy recipes.  I doctored it up a bit for my tastes since I am not a big fan of kale (me no likey).  It is so good that Jonathan had 3 bowls!  Yeah he can do that because he does hard core work outs.  My hard core work outs are typing on this key board and moving this mouse and one and two and one and two, ugh let me stretch my index finger and one and two… So below is my version of the recipe.

	Hearty Tuscan Vegetable Chowder 2 tsp olive oil
	1 cup(s) onion(s), diced   ( I substituted 2 cups of Leeks)
	3/4 cup(s) carrot(s), diced
	1/2 cup(s) celery, diced
	4 cup(s) vegetable broth
	28 oz canned tomatoes, diced, in juice, undrained
	15 oz canned cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
	3 tsp minced garlic
	1/4 tsp dried thyme
	1 cup(s) kale, frozen, chopped   (I substituted chopped frozen spinach)
	1 cup(s) frozen cut green beans
	1/2 tsp table salt
	1 cup(s) dry textured vegetable protein, granules (TVP)   ( I used Morningstar Crumbles)
	1 tsp fennel seed
	1/2 tsp black pepper   (I used red pepper flakes for spice)

Instructions

• Heat oil in a large saucepan. Add onion, carrots and celery. Saute 5 minutes until onion is translucent. Add broth, tomatoes and juice, beans, TVP, garlic, fennel and thyme. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer 5 minutes. 
• Stir in kale, green beans, salt and pepper. Simmer, covered, 10 minutes or until vegetables and TVP are tender. Yields about 1 1/2 cups per serving. (Note: Store in refrigerator for up to 4 days or freeze for future consumption.)

This chowder is approximately 4 points per serving which is pretty low in calories.  So go and make it and be amazed that there is NO meat in it, NONE.  Well yeah it only fools vegetarians who haven't had meat in years but it is still delicious!!!!!!

Dear Diary I now have a weight goal!!!

That's me clapping Hercules Hercules....

So I would like to emphasize that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  That is when your hormones are berserk and causes you a multitude of problems from infertility to diabetes.  Yeah fun fun.  Anyways I have always struggled STRUGGLED to lose weight.  Yeah I have been fat for a good part of my life oh sorry for those who are sensitive let me rephrase I have been skinny intolerant for about 20 years of my 31 years of existence.  Yeah skinny when I was little and there were those years in college I lost a lot of weight and kept it off until I met my husband.  You know love it’s a curse makes you let yourself go.  I gotta man now I can stop caring, ha.  If only that were the case, I didn’t stop caring, I went to exercise class, or EXORCISE class (I will keep milking that for a while).  I took a nutrition class went on the Zone Diet, South Beach, Atkins, Schwarzbein Principle diet, you name it I have tried it.  It worked for a little bit but it would come right back.  Yeah I think in college I lost a ton because I starved myself and ate no meat.  I was not healthy losing weight and I walked everywhere.  So when I finally did eat a meal with meat BLAZAM I ballooned up like I belonged in the Klump Family.  Then when I ate like I was supposed to I still gained weight WHAT THE H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.  Well I found out when I was 27 I had PCOS, uh okay so what???  Well Dr. Mac, my endocrinologist, told me that my hormones are not balanced at all.  As he tested me more and more it became evident I was insulin resistant.  Meaning this, so let’s say you eat this puddin pop and you are doing your Cosby dance as you do it, well your brain tells the body hey you need to check out these sugars coming in and make them energy and hey you insulin monitor these sugars make sure they convert and are absorbed through the fat and muscles correctly.  Well my insulin is like nope not going to do it, sorry we are on strike, sucks to be you.  So my insulin buddies don’t do their job so my body stores it up as fat causes my pancreas to work overtime and then eventually I will have diabeetus.  Fun Fun Fun, so yeah naturally losing weight will help you with insulin resistance but get this BECAUSE I am insulin resistant it makes it hard to lose weight, awesome right.  I am in between a rock and a hard place.  Now that you have some information about my situation lets delve into what happened today. 

Dear Diary I am as cool as Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert's Awesome Word of the Week

Dear Diary It’s hard to plan meals when watching Paula Deen

"Hey Ya'll!"

Hey I still love Paula Deen. Yes her recipes are loaded with a two stick of butter minimum but this is my porn.  Food Porn it’s my downfall. Oh yeah you know how I love that, yeah pour just one more cup of suga, yeah…sorry FOCUS FOCUS.  So I am trying to make a weekly meal plan.  I have my breakfast and lunches set, dinner not so much.  I have my Weight Watchers Comfort Classics recipe book, my New Glucose Revolution guide to Living Well with PCOS book and the light issue of Everyday Foods.  I am just searching for good easy dinner recipes.  Deep Fried Chicken Pot Pie Pockets is not a good eat, I mean yeah I bet it is so good it makes "you wanna smack yo mamma" but my fat lardy ever widening a** will not forgive me nor will my hormones.  What, you say, yes what I eat or anyone really affects their hormones but more so in women with PCOS.  Our hormones are already out of whack that anything that spikes our insulin level makes our hormones go crazy and makes me crazy.  Seriously Paula a skillet brownie with marshmellow topping what tha, you are killing me you Southern Temptress of Fried Foods. (I am not linking that recipe dudes you will have to google brownie fatness on your own) Sorry FOCUS FOCUS.  Okay so I am planning meals that don’t make me crazy.  I found an excel template that helps me out, hey I love Excel.  So for my many blollowers (blog followers I am to lazy) I will post up recipes I liked, loved and LOVED called Good Eats and then post what fatty foods that yes while maybe delicious but cause you to have a stint put in your arteries called Bad Eats.  So back to planning…Damn Rachel Ray is making Bacon Chili Dog Burgers with Cheese and French Fries (I had to link this it's so ridunkulous) can this be tagged under This is why you are fat, changing it to HGTV!

Dear Diary A Buffet of Margaritaville,

(Spoiler Alert this one has a serious tone not a lot of hilarity ensued here)

Eeeeh like how I did that I took Jimmy Buffet and his song and cleverly put it together.  Shut up don’t be jealous of my comedic skills.  Seriously folks I had a buffet of strong Margaritas on Saturday, DAMN YOU BERRYHILL!!!!!!!!!!!! Weekends kill me every time.  I was just reading an article about how you can blow all your efforts of being good during the week with one bad weekend.  People have been telling me encouraging words of well sometimes we do blow it but we get back on track.  But if you compare my addiction to a drug user, I am not the “well I will just toke up this one blunt and that will be fine.”  NOOOOOOOOOOOO my weekends are like Charlie Sheen with 8 balls and porn stars all around getting hernias from too much drug in fueled escapades.  In other words I lose control.  People say don’t deprive yourself or you will lose control.  Yes in theory I can take a sip of a margarita or a bite of a brownie and be fine.  But when you have no control that sip or bite turns into 4 margaritas or a whole pan of brownies.  What do you do?  Well a drug addict or alcoholic just avoids the addiction all together by not doing drugs or drinking alcohol.  I can’t say welp I am giving up food.  Yeah we need food to live.  I mean sure I can do the Beyonce diarrhea diet (its called Master Cleanse folks seriously!) with her lemon juice, Tabasco sauce and Exlax but really does that give me nutrition.  No!  Well as I was about to think to myself I am never going to win this battle of the bulge (get it get it battle of the bulge).  Then I had a moment of clarity.

Dear Diary Healthy Recipe for my Belly

Roasted Cauliflower with Gremolata Bread Crumbs

I thought this recipe looked good, you get cauliflower and it doesn't sound gross!  If you guys have more ideas feel free to share with me in the comments section.  I need all the ideas I can get.  I do love to cook but since I am Mexican the things I cook are covered in cheese and some type of gravy so by all means recipes please.  I am also trying to do more vegetarian recipes, yes I know I do live in Texas and beef is in our blood but man can't a girl not dine on rotting animal carcass just once.

Dear Diary Because I am not Fat Enough

And now another thing to add to the website thisiswhyyourefat.com.  I was just reading huffingtonpost.com before I went to bed and saw this

Yes DiGiorno not only has frozen pizza but it has packaged with it cookies, not only that it comes with boneless "Wyngz" too.  Really "Wyngz" that tells me its probably right up there as a chicken mcnugget made with "chyken."  Well to be fair they are nestle toll house cookies which are delicious but still that is too much fatness all around.  And they wonder why obesity is rising. (Don't judge me when you see me at HEB pulling it out of the freezer section because you will be there for the same reason.)

Dear Diary I need a young priest and an old priest

My dearest oldest friend, Ouiser (pronounced Weeza for those who have never seen Steel Magnolias which you should!!! and out of respect no real names will be used) pointed out that on my first post I misspelled exercise and put exorcise and she said it’s like you are exorcising the pounds away like demons.  I think in the back of my mind I meant to do that because seriously fat is like a demon that just sucks your will to live.  I mean come on how many of you have gone on Linda Blair rages when you can’t find any ice cream in your freezer and you start spouting out Latin and turning your head around 360.  I know I have, ask Jonathan.  Seriously I do equate exercising with exorcising because face it, it ain’t pretty, it’s hard, it hurts and in the end we are all covered in pea soup.  Seriously have you watched Biggest Loser all those people just throw up every time they finish working out.  Also our body contorts in ways it shouldn’t and there is a lot of screaming and sweating as Ouiser pointed out.  I don’t know why but I hear in my head a southern preacher saying “We must EXORCISE the fat” or Reverend Brown from Coming to America saying, “If loving to eat is WRRRONG, I don’t wanna be right.” Well hey its true man I love to eat and I hate to EXORCISE!!! But in the end we need to get rid of the fat/demon but I hope when I lose weight my fat doesn’t leap onto someone else ala Exorcist (Spoiler Alert demon leaps into young priest and then he gets killed).  Exercising is good for your mind and your body.  I just need to motivate myself to do it.  Luckily I found a deal online 20 classes for 20 bucks to Zumba.  I am going to do it!!!  I asked Jonathan to join me but he passed.   Surprise Surprise.  Though I do find when I have buddies to work out with I do make myself exercise more.  When it’s just me, man I am good at talking myself out of it:

Me: Delena you need to go for a walk

Me:  You are right I do

Me: Well are you?

Me:  Meh its cold outside and I have hot chocolate being brewed in my Keurig and I am already in my PJs

Me: You are right let’s just sit on the couch and see what Rachel Ray is making, oh guess what cabbage stoup again with a side of grilled cheese sammies! (she always makes this crap I kid you not 9 times out of 10 it’s a stoup and sammies combo ugh) More after the jump.....

Dear Diary Eating Healthy Sucks

But it doesn't have to be.  I am posting an article I was emailed about the Healthiest Foods from Real Simple.com


So read about eating healthy foods, I will get to it right after I finish this snickers bar.  Just kidding but seriously.  I am happy to report I do eat most of these healthy foods but do I do it most of the time, well if I did I wouldn't be writing this blog, hmmm.  So next goal eat more of these foods on this list, it isn't rocket science folks but somehow it can be just as daunting.  I will have more posts soon about my progress.

Dear Diary it's me Fatty

Well this is my first post on chronicling my weight loss and my struggles on keeping it off.  Hmm where to begin.  About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and wow was that a shocker.  Not really I had already suspected I had it since I am a hypochondriac and always do a self diagnosis, I have had cancer four times in my head to date thanks to Web MD.  Anyways Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) basically affects 1 in 9 women and causes your hormones to go crazy and in the middle of all that mess its harder to lose weight and even causes one to gain weight.  Exhibit A which is me.  So yeah I finally have a good reason to be fat, it ain't me its my hormones, oh you silly hormones.  Well as I read about the bad things that happen to women with PCOS I realized hmm maybe I should try to be healthy because if I decide to ignore bad things will happen to my body.  Wavy picture dream sequence....<cue Price is Right Announcer> "Delena Martello COOOOOOOOOOOOOOME ON DOWWWWWWN"  Picture me wearing my Funster T-Shirt and getting to the podium.  Drew Carrey looks at me and says "look at what you get if you decide to continue to do nothing about it....Heart Disease!!!!!!!!! Diabeeetus!!!!! Infertility!!!!!

Yeah who knew Hormone Imbalance was a crazy harpy that reeks havoc on your body.  Yeah well she does and she is a b**ch.  I have 3 books on PCOS and not one of them says well just sit on your fat butt and just let it go, your hormones will balance someday.  Yeah but they all do say proper diet and exorcise will help control PCOS and decrease your chances of heart disease and diabetes and increase your fertility.  Boooooo I am lazy and don't they know I like to eat sugar by the cupfuls and sit on my ever widening a** watching the food network. Oh Paula Deen how I love your "butta" balls fried in peanut "Oyall".  Don't they know my husband is an enabler who is just as weak as me.  "Jonathan what do you want for dinner, we can cook a healthy meal together and cherish our marriage in that we share in all our experiences together" riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, more like "Jonathan, what do you want for dinner, how about some crappy frozen pizza that is 1,000 calories per serving with 80% of your daily serving of sodium."  Here on my blog I will post my stories and pictures of a healthier me.  Hey I am not Jennifer Hudson or Kirstie Alley or Valerie Bertanelli but I will be like them and get in my bikini in no time, buwahahahaha seriously at least a one piece where I don't look like a beluga whale or confused for a seal that is sunbathing.  And yes I will do this because I have the Eye of the Tiger,< cue Survivor Eye of the Tiger>